Motherly debates
Disclaimer: Since these are sensitive topics, I will have to write a disclaimer that these are entirely my own opinion. Everyone's journey is different.
I feel sometimes we, women can be very judgmental and argumentative. Sometimes it can be good, sometimes not.
Yesterday, a heated debate on breast milk vs formula milk was on TBAN. Today, a debate on home water birth vs hospital birth was on. And not to mention the ongoing debate on to vaccinate vs not to vaccinate. All mothers, all about their own child, all about their own experiences.
I can't vouch for anyone or say who is right or wrong. Everyone has freedom of speech. Everyone has their own opinion. And mind you, every woman now is educated enough to read and write. And getting on the internet is as easy as ABC. So, if you want any info, just Google. So, everyone is knowledgeable. It's just what they choose to follow.
Breast milk vs formula milk
No doubt breast milk is the best. There is no negative articles on Google about breast milk. However, some mommies, like me have no choice but to supplement.
Yes, some pro-breastfeeding mommies would argue that every women can make milk. Why do we call ourselves low supply or no supply? That if we did everything that we were supposed to do, i.e attend antenatal class, breastfeeding class, skin-to-skin within 1 hour upon birth, no bottle, no formula, no pumping, direct latching only, latch properly and suck properly, nurse all the time, etc, then maybe breastfeeding won't be that difficult.
But what about those mommies who missed that golden hour? Or mommies who just couldn't get baby to latch? Or babies have issue in latching due to premature birth?
After trying to boost my supply for so many months, I found that sometimes low milk supply can be caused by things that are beyond our control. Induce birth (too much oxytocine in the body), lost lots of blood during delivery (causing anemia), PCOS, breast surgery, thyroid imbalance, etc.
And I do believe that was the case for me as I was induced and heavily medicated with pitocin and then oxytocine, on top of that I lost quite a bit of blood and might have PCOS which made TTC so difficult.
I have to admit that I did not attend any breastfeeding class. I bought few breastfeeding books to read and was reading a lot on Mr Google. I have my reasons for not attending one. Perhaps in future, I would attend one.
We did not do skin-to-skin within the first hour of birth as my gynae need to stitch me up urgently due to hemorrhage.
These may be the main reason why my supply was low and thus I have to supplement as baby was losing weight. I have also tried any kind of booster and galactagogues out there but nothing seem to work. Not even domperidone which worked for so many moms.
I still don't like to supplement. I have a love-hate relationship with the tin of formula sitting on our kitchen shelf. I would never feed baby with formula myself. Only my husband and other family members can do it. I just can't bring myself to do it.
I was stricken with guilt and felt like a bad mom whenever someone commented that I should just give breast milk and nothing else. I just can't. It's not that I don't want to.
If I was a stay-at-home-mom, then perhaps I won't have an issue at all. But because I have to keep stock as a FTWM and ensure baby has at least 4 bottles of 4 oz milk each day before I leave for work, I have to keep on pumping and pumping. Usually, by the time I come home, the fridge would be empty. And I have to start pumping for tomorrow's supply. And that our last feed have to be formula. So that baby has only breast milk when I am away.
So far, if both husband and me is not around baby, I would not want anyone else to make the formula milk for baby. Because once, a family member who thought she knew it all and gave the wrong ratio, instead of 2 oz water to 1 scoop milk powder, she gave 1 oz water to 1 scoop milk powder, making the milk so thick, and baby ended up with constipation and wind. So I don't trust anyone else with the formula milk.
So to hear that formula is poison and that it is not good and all that, well, yes to discourage mothers from taking the easy way out with formula and encourages mothers to keep on breastfeeding. But for us mommies who uses formula, we will hear it the wrong way. Because we have no choice but to give formula and if you say it like that, we think we are poisoning our babies.
Especially when we are already so guilty for not being able to breastfeed and on top of hearing comments like that, it will kill us, really.
So, my 2 cents is this. Everyone's journey is different. Before you walk in their shoes, don't judge. They may have tried every single thing and yet can't breastfeed. It's not like they want to take an easy way out. They are pumping non-stop and only supplementing perhaps 1%. They are working so much harder. Much harder than those moms who direct latches.
When baby is 6 months old, perhaps I would share some free tips for new moms (which some breastfeeding consultant are charging) on breastfeeding. So, that you don't become like me, pay lots of money for some consultants and still can't solve the problems of breastfeeding.
Home water birth vs hospital birth
From the beginning, even while TTC, it has never cross my mind to deliver my baby at home or do a water birth. NEVER. That's because I had a miscarriage before this BFP and do not dare to take any risk to lose the baby.
I have also read 2 bloggers stories on stillbirth and stories about premature babies, etc, etc. That was why I opted for an expensive and experience gynae in a 5 star hospital.
As much as I am a pro-nature person, I just can't trust myself delivering my baby on my own or by someone who is not medically qualified.
I was saddened to hear that there are Malaysian mothers who lost their baby and some their life to homebirth. Though the % is probably very low and pro-homebirth would argue that it is safe and all that. Please take note, I am not against homebirth. It's my choice not to have one and I will tell you later why I feel it is a good choice FOR ME.
I don't think there is something wrong with homebirth or that it is something bad. No, just like formula milk, it's not bad. Perhaps it works for some women and not for others. But with everything, even at hospital birth, it comes with risk. Same with usage of epidural, c-section and so on. And coincidentally, today the Malaysian government has decided to ban waterbirthing. Perhaps with the risk involved whatsoever. The argument is still out there and you can read all about it on Facebook.
Mommies who went through a successful homebirth are adamant about it's pros while mommies who has never done it before (like me) are worried of the chances of losing baby.
My own story
I am not here to present my points for the debates or say what is good and be so righteous about it. I will just tell you my story.
Firstly, I am not a risk taker. As much as I am pro-nature, when it comes to life, I am very careful. This story is the inside story of what happened while I was in the labour room. I didn't share it in my birth story as I felt it was insignificant and besides it happened so quickly and everyone in the labour room was so fast to rectify it. Since I am ok and everyone is good, I just kept to myself. But now that this topic is up, I would just share what happened in the labour room. And when I talked to my husband about it yesterday, he too agreed to my points. I didn't share this in my birth story.
If you read my birth story, you would know that I went through many hours of contractions with zero dilation, induced, took epidural, had vaginal birth (can't say it's natural since I was induced) via vacuum and episiotomy. From the beginning, I have told myself that I won't have a birth plan as I trust my gynae and would let him decide based on his professional opinion. I only requested to have a natural birth if possible and he agreed. I want to avoid c-section as much as possible.
I have an uneventful pregnancy. Blessed with no gestational diabetes, no high blood pressure and no preeclampsia. Baby was growing very well every day, week, month. Although for my age, i.e over 35 years old, I would consider this pregnancy as easy peasy. My gynae is also the kind to be on the safe side. He has told me the risk of having a baby over the age of 35. But none of those risk sufficed and I thank God for that.
What happened was pretty fast. My husband was unaware of the risk that happened and he was insensitive to the situation. I may sound very drama queen right now, but I am stating exactly what happened in the labour room. I am sure many other moms went through similar experience and mine is not such a big thing. And probably, every single day, these kinda things happened and everyone is ok. Like those cases of emergency c-section and such.
If you know Dr Jason, you would know that he is a stern but caring doctor. He is very calm, hardly smile and sometimes would scold if you don't follow his cue. And he is a very professional doctor with many years of experience, so I trusted him and his skills. So when he looked flustered, I also got flustered.
Mommies who went through a successful homebirth are adamant about it's pros while mommies who has never done it before (like me) are worried of the chances of losing baby.
My own story
I am not here to present my points for the debates or say what is good and be so righteous about it. I will just tell you my story.
Firstly, I am not a risk taker. As much as I am pro-nature, when it comes to life, I am very careful. This story is the inside story of what happened while I was in the labour room. I didn't share it in my birth story as I felt it was insignificant and besides it happened so quickly and everyone in the labour room was so fast to rectify it. Since I am ok and everyone is good, I just kept to myself. But now that this topic is up, I would just share what happened in the labour room. And when I talked to my husband about it yesterday, he too agreed to my points. I didn't share this in my birth story.
If you read my birth story, you would know that I went through many hours of contractions with zero dilation, induced, took epidural, had vaginal birth (can't say it's natural since I was induced) via vacuum and episiotomy. From the beginning, I have told myself that I won't have a birth plan as I trust my gynae and would let him decide based on his professional opinion. I only requested to have a natural birth if possible and he agreed. I want to avoid c-section as much as possible.
I have an uneventful pregnancy. Blessed with no gestational diabetes, no high blood pressure and no preeclampsia. Baby was growing very well every day, week, month. Although for my age, i.e over 35 years old, I would consider this pregnancy as easy peasy. My gynae is also the kind to be on the safe side. He has told me the risk of having a baby over the age of 35. But none of those risk sufficed and I thank God for that.
What happened was pretty fast. My husband was unaware of the risk that happened and he was insensitive to the situation. I may sound very drama queen right now, but I am stating exactly what happened in the labour room. I am sure many other moms went through similar experience and mine is not such a big thing. And probably, every single day, these kinda things happened and everyone is ok. Like those cases of emergency c-section and such.
If you know Dr Jason, you would know that he is a stern but caring doctor. He is very calm, hardly smile and sometimes would scold if you don't follow his cue. And he is a very professional doctor with many years of experience, so I trusted him and his skills. So when he looked flustered, I also got flustered.
So what is it? I was hooked on epidural. I couldn't feel the lower part of my body. It's as if I was paralysed. The midwife had told me to inform her if I can't move my legs, then she would lower the dosage. I told her but later she told me that if she lowers the dosage now, I would feel the pain. The reason why they want you to have little sensation to your legs is so that you can push. And if you can't push, then baby might be distressed.
The whole time in the labour room, while waiting for my cervix to open to 10cm, I was hooked to the machine that monitors baby's heartbeat and my contractions. Since I can't feel any contractions thanks to epidural, the midwife have to depend on the machine entirely.
The gynae managed to break my water bag when I have finally opened 1cm with the help of pitocin (after 1 whole day of contractions) to help speed up the process of labour. But was told that baby's head is still high. He told the midwife to monitor me.
I also found out later that epidural would lower blood pressure, which is why they also gave me an IV drip so that my blood pressure is stable. Low blood pressure can be dangerous during labour.
And then it happened. My blood pressure dropped and I was feeling very tired and sleepy. The midwife checked me and found that I have still not opened to 10cm. And she found that baby is in distress as baby's heartbeat was irregular. She calmly told me in layman's term that baby is unhappy and uncomfortable inside my womb, which is why baby's heartbeat was irregular. She gave me oxygen so that my blood pressure becomes stable again and baby won't be so distress inside. But I couldn't inhale the oxygen which was given through my nostrils as I was very phlegmy at that time. I was breathing through my mouth. I could hear from the machine that baby's heartbeat was not the same as what I have been hearing so far.
Next minute, I saw her rushing out to intercom my gynae. He came in and checked me and found that I have finally opened to 10cm. He told the midwives to quickly prepare for labour. He went to dressed up in the surgeon's attire and the midwives prepared his boots. The midwives quickly propped my legs up so that they can see my cervix. Since I can't move at all, my husband have to help them to carry my legs.
The midwife was monitoring my contractions on the machine and told me to push when there's contractions. But I have no sensation and don't know how to. Finally I learned the correct method, but baby still cannot come out. That's when the gynae took over. He took a look and told me that I need to work harder and that he would help me by vacuum. I nodded.
With the help of the vacuum, baby came out very fast. The midwives quickly wrapped her up in towels and placed her on my chest, though not skin-to-skin. I couldn't move. I only held her in the same position but can't touch her. I was too weak and tired.
Meanwhile, the gynae told me that he needed to stitch me up. When he said that, he spoke in urgency and told his nurses to prepare. Maybe that's his style of talking. Maybe I was being too sensitive. The midwife quickly took baby away and put her under the warmer. While the gynae was stitching, I began to feel nauseous. The midwife saw and handed me the kidney basin to vomit. I don't know why suddenly I was feeling so nauseous. And I vomited few times while the gynae was still stitching me up. When everything was over, the midwife told me it's the side effects of epidural.
Throughout the whole process, he was explaining to me every single step. I can only nod. He was calm.
When he was done, he explained to me in a very calm manner that I have lost quite a bit of blood compared to others as I have a lot of blood capillaries down there, in other words postpartum hemorrhage. But not to the extent of blood transfusion. When I heard that, I thought, wow, is it really that bad? No wonder I was feeling so weak.
When I asked my husband yesterday, what exactly happened. He said the gynae didn't let him cut the umbilical cord as he was worried the blood would spray everywhere. And he saw that the plastic container where they put the placenta in was filled with blood to the brim. All my blood.
In the end, nothing bad happened to me or baby. I was very pale for 2-3 weeks but I recovered very quickly. Gynae gave me iron tablets to build up my blood again. I have to take 2 tablets a day for a whole month. As for the episiotomy, I did sitz bath 4 times a day for 10 minutes each time. So my wound also recovered pretty well.
So, did I made a big thing out of nothing? At that time it seemed like nothing and thanks to the professionalism of the doctor and midwives and their quick thinking, everything was in order. So I can't imagine if this happened in a homebirth. Minus the epidural, but what about blood loss and distressed baby?
Child labour is risky be it at home or at the hospital. Whatever you choose, you need to weigh the pros and cons.
No parent would want to see their child die. And no husband would want too see their wife die during childbirth.
So for me, I am thankful I was in the good hands of Dr Jason and the midwives. Both baby and me is fine. Nothing untoward happened and all is well.
People can argue that I was not ready for labour because I have no dilation although I was 1 day overdue. Baby didn't poo meconium too when the water broke. Some would say by induce labour, baby becomes distress which to some extent I agree. Baby was very disturbed since birth and cries a lot. But all in all, I just let the doctor and midwife guide me.
Did I feel I have a bad experience of labour? No. It was uncomfortable and annoying but bad experience, no. The nurses and midwives were very helpful.
I understand some women has had bad experience of childbirth while in the hospital. So you must choose a reliable gynae, someone whom you feel you can connect with. Some commenters told me that they are not happy with Dr Jason. Like I said, he can be stern and if you don't follow his cue and advise, he can nag you and scold you. For me I feel it's for my own good. For some others, they felt since they paid so much for consultancy and get his scoldings, not worth it. Up to you, my dears. You can find another gynae whom you are comfortable with.
So that being said, my next baby, I would probably try government hospital and will try c-section since I have a history of no dilation (from miscarriage to this labour).
The whole time in the labour room, while waiting for my cervix to open to 10cm, I was hooked to the machine that monitors baby's heartbeat and my contractions. Since I can't feel any contractions thanks to epidural, the midwife have to depend on the machine entirely.
The gynae managed to break my water bag when I have finally opened 1cm with the help of pitocin (after 1 whole day of contractions) to help speed up the process of labour. But was told that baby's head is still high. He told the midwife to monitor me.
I also found out later that epidural would lower blood pressure, which is why they also gave me an IV drip so that my blood pressure is stable. Low blood pressure can be dangerous during labour.
And then it happened. My blood pressure dropped and I was feeling very tired and sleepy. The midwife checked me and found that I have still not opened to 10cm. And she found that baby is in distress as baby's heartbeat was irregular. She calmly told me in layman's term that baby is unhappy and uncomfortable inside my womb, which is why baby's heartbeat was irregular. She gave me oxygen so that my blood pressure becomes stable again and baby won't be so distress inside. But I couldn't inhale the oxygen which was given through my nostrils as I was very phlegmy at that time. I was breathing through my mouth. I could hear from the machine that baby's heartbeat was not the same as what I have been hearing so far.
Next minute, I saw her rushing out to intercom my gynae. He came in and checked me and found that I have finally opened to 10cm. He told the midwives to quickly prepare for labour. He went to dressed up in the surgeon's attire and the midwives prepared his boots. The midwives quickly propped my legs up so that they can see my cervix. Since I can't move at all, my husband have to help them to carry my legs.
The midwife was monitoring my contractions on the machine and told me to push when there's contractions. But I have no sensation and don't know how to. Finally I learned the correct method, but baby still cannot come out. That's when the gynae took over. He took a look and told me that I need to work harder and that he would help me by vacuum. I nodded.
With the help of the vacuum, baby came out very fast. The midwives quickly wrapped her up in towels and placed her on my chest, though not skin-to-skin. I couldn't move. I only held her in the same position but can't touch her. I was too weak and tired.
Meanwhile, the gynae told me that he needed to stitch me up. When he said that, he spoke in urgency and told his nurses to prepare. Maybe that's his style of talking. Maybe I was being too sensitive. The midwife quickly took baby away and put her under the warmer. While the gynae was stitching, I began to feel nauseous. The midwife saw and handed me the kidney basin to vomit. I don't know why suddenly I was feeling so nauseous. And I vomited few times while the gynae was still stitching me up. When everything was over, the midwife told me it's the side effects of epidural.
Throughout the whole process, he was explaining to me every single step. I can only nod. He was calm.
When he was done, he explained to me in a very calm manner that I have lost quite a bit of blood compared to others as I have a lot of blood capillaries down there, in other words postpartum hemorrhage. But not to the extent of blood transfusion. When I heard that, I thought, wow, is it really that bad? No wonder I was feeling so weak.
When I asked my husband yesterday, what exactly happened. He said the gynae didn't let him cut the umbilical cord as he was worried the blood would spray everywhere. And he saw that the plastic container where they put the placenta in was filled with blood to the brim. All my blood.
In the end, nothing bad happened to me or baby. I was very pale for 2-3 weeks but I recovered very quickly. Gynae gave me iron tablets to build up my blood again. I have to take 2 tablets a day for a whole month. As for the episiotomy, I did sitz bath 4 times a day for 10 minutes each time. So my wound also recovered pretty well.
So, did I made a big thing out of nothing? At that time it seemed like nothing and thanks to the professionalism of the doctor and midwives and their quick thinking, everything was in order. So I can't imagine if this happened in a homebirth. Minus the epidural, but what about blood loss and distressed baby?
Child labour is risky be it at home or at the hospital. Whatever you choose, you need to weigh the pros and cons.
No parent would want to see their child die. And no husband would want too see their wife die during childbirth.
So for me, I am thankful I was in the good hands of Dr Jason and the midwives. Both baby and me is fine. Nothing untoward happened and all is well.
People can argue that I was not ready for labour because I have no dilation although I was 1 day overdue. Baby didn't poo meconium too when the water broke. Some would say by induce labour, baby becomes distress which to some extent I agree. Baby was very disturbed since birth and cries a lot. But all in all, I just let the doctor and midwife guide me.
Did I feel I have a bad experience of labour? No. It was uncomfortable and annoying but bad experience, no. The nurses and midwives were very helpful.
I understand some women has had bad experience of childbirth while in the hospital. So you must choose a reliable gynae, someone whom you feel you can connect with. Some commenters told me that they are not happy with Dr Jason. Like I said, he can be stern and if you don't follow his cue and advise, he can nag you and scold you. For me I feel it's for my own good. For some others, they felt since they paid so much for consultancy and get his scoldings, not worth it. Up to you, my dears. You can find another gynae whom you are comfortable with.
So that being said, my next baby, I would probably try government hospital and will try c-section since I have a history of no dilation (from miscarriage to this labour).