Rainbow Baby

How's everyone doing?  In difficult times like now?  Hope everyone is staying safe, practising social distancing and all that. My girl went to kindy for the first half of 2020 only.  Online classes didn't really work for her as I ended up doing a huge chunk of work.  Her kindy is not technologically update and her teachers were sending 3-5 minutes of video via WhatsApp.  In the end, I thought it's better not to pay the kindy fees and just let her stay at home while I continue with some online apps. There are quite a few of pages that are free due to Covid.  I started my little girl with Reading Eggs and tried out their 30 days free trial and my girl loved it!  In fact, she learned so much more via Reading Eggs than her own kindy. Straight away signed up for a year.  Only about RM250+ for a year.  Much worthy than kindy. The app is not perfect.  Sometimes hang, sometimes lag.  But the materials is very comprehensive.  She learn...

Today I felt like sharing this.  I found out/realized/enlightened, whatever you want to call it, that everyone (can I generalise), everyone in the corporate world is a selfish person.   If you say, no I am doing things for the company, I am not selfish.  Yes you are.  You are only doing what you are paid for.  You won't go the extra mile to help others. And whatever bosses ask you to do, it is for their own benefit.  To prepare for their meeting.  To come out with projections for their own discussion.  You are just a slave to your boss.  Nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps when the company offer you some benefits, like medical insurance, dental, spectacles allowance, you will like the company care for you.  But in actual truth, if you are sick with a disease and can no longer function the way you did before, the company would kick you out no time.  Selfish?  Yes.  As they don't want to keep paying for a s...

Being a mom proves to be the hardest job in the world.  Accidents do happen but when they actually happened, most people will panic and unsure what to do.  And when it involves kids, and being the mother of the only child, with no prior emergency experience, this is a traumatizing and frightening episode and a lesson for me to learn. My 3.5 years old girl was being very curious and naughty that fateful day.  She stood on the chair and play with my massage oil and containers and broke one of the small glass cups and when she panicked she came down from the chair and stepped on the broken glass. She was bleeding a lot and crying.  Since this happened at about 10.30pm, my first response was to drive her to a 24-hour clinic.  So, we went to the 24-hour Mediviron clinic but was turned away by the nurses, stating that her case is very serious and need to be referred to a hospital instead. My mind at that time was running at full speed.  I wasn't sure...

Hello!  I haven't written since January 2019.  Lots had happened, mostly exciting.  Because of that 1 week holiday that I took to go China with the family, there was so much of backlog to do till today.   Today's post is all about my inner being, what's in my heart.   Past few days, I was feeling a bit down.  Got my letter of increment and found that the increase was quite disappointing.  Not that it was different from other years.  It has always been 5%.  But somehow, this year, I felt different. Since January, I feel my pay is way below what I deserved.  The company had refused to promote us simply because there are too many managers at the moment and promoting me means they have to promote the others same level as me.  My last promotion was in 2012.  So working for 7 years and no promotion since then. But, my job scope is the work of a manager.  I mean, who else can review the work of another ...

Past few days, I have been struggling and juggling a lot.  I am really not fond to end the year feeling crappy and more so to start the year feeling unhappy.  Not sure if I shared this here before (memory loss), there was one year when on the 1st Jan, there was a huge quarrel in the family.  Because of that the whole year was crappy, whether you believe it or not.   So, I vowed that on the 1st Jan of each year, we must start the year happily.  Avoid confrontations.  Avoid people who are unhappy.  Say nice things.  Eat sweets.   But things can't be avoided in the past few days.  I was fatigue and spent Christmas Day just resting.  We had to cancel our trip to Penang (which turned out to be a blessing as the traffic was horrible).  I wanted to go somewhere with the family, but plans turned to clinic visits and running chores. Anyway, before this post get any more depressing, let's just stop. Few things ...

This is one phrase that I really dislike to hear.  It's not like I don't use them.  I only use them when I have tried my best and yet I still can't find the solution and so I wanted someone else for help and I said this. When my girl started to use this phrase, I knew I have to stop it immediately.  Why?  Because I am married to a guy who used this too often. Tell this phrase to a boss and you will get a poor appraisal.  Tell this phrase to a teacher and you will be reprimanded for not paying attention. To me, this is a very irresponsible phrase.  It shows that you are not determine to know more, you don't care, you don't want to improve, you are lazy, you don't want to think, you want the easy way out, you act stupid and so on. It's a very easy answer and it ends with a full stop or an exclamation mark.  And it ends just like that. If the other party accepts this, then you will be off the hook.  No need to do more. If the...

Few days ago, I had a chat with a Grab driver.  The conversation started about my work and then flows to our family and kids.  Coincidentally, his only daughter is just a day older than my girl. His daughter is on formula from 6 months old till now and weighing 18kg and is overweight for her age.  So he is asking what formula I am using for my girl and when I said I don't give formula and he asked why.   For my girl, I just gave fresh milk when I stopped breastfeeding at 2 years old.  I tried sheep formula and in my heart still don't feel comfortable about giving processed food.  So I ended up giving fresh milk.  Fine it is also processed, as in squeezed out, packed in bottles and shipped.  But lesser things are added into it. I am not against formula.  I am just not comfortable with the ingredients in it.  And I have seen kids who drank formula are a little on the hyper side.  He told that his girl can't sit still...

I have to admit that I am not a perfect mother.  I have my ugly days when I shouted at my girl and would sometimes whack her when she does naughty things.  Especially on days when my patience run low, energy running out and spouse not helping.   But end of the day, when we go to bed, I will tell her that I love her and would tell her I am sorry if I hurt her and we end our rift before bedtime.   I don't pamper her as much as some does.  Because the grandparents are pampering her enough, so I am the bad guy in the family.  But at the same time, I let her know that I love her very much and that she is very precious to me. Enough said about what I do.  I just want to share what I see and hear. Recently, my girl was invited to a birthday party.  She is the youngest among the bigger girls.  There were about 7-8 of them, about 5-10 years old.  My girl was not shy and immediately went to play in the playroom where toy...

17 years ago, I witnessed the loss of a child for a mother.  My aunt lost my cousin sister in a tragic car accident.  Few years later, I witnessed another loss of a child for a mother.  A friend lost her only daughter to leukemia.   Before being a mother, I don't understand what's it's like being in their shoes.  Of course I wouldn't want to be in their shoes ever because when I lost my cousin sister, the grieve was too difficult to bear.  What more for a mother. When I miscarried my first baby at 6 weeks, I was devastated.  That was because I have accepted my role being a mother and was having high expectations of the days to come.  The pain was too much and I wouldn't even wish it to happen to my worse enemy.   After joining motherhood, I can truly understand the pain of losing a child.  Be it a miscarriage or a stillborn or a toddler or a teenager or an adult.  I can only pray that I don't have to experienc...

With one and a quarter pregnancy, my body is wrecked by it.  I don't want to scare any future mothers, but this is a true story.  So, if you are trying to have a baby, please take note of this as much as possible, otherwise, you will have the same fate as me.  And I am not talking about stretch marks. Sciatica I first felt the sciatica pain when I was just about 7-8 weeks pregnant.  I remember there was one night, husband and I visited some friends and all of a sudden, I knelt on the floor and unable to get up.  The pain was sharp and numbing.  My husband have to press on the spot for few seconds before I can get up and walk again.  However, as the pregnancy progressed, I didn't have that pain so often.  Only once in a while, my husband have to press on that spot to give me relieve.   After delivery, that was when it finally hit me hard until now.  It's not something that can be cure by medicine or physio.  It's some...

I would say that I have a rather good childhood.  I remembered all the good times spent with my cousins and playing with them.  Those were the best times. However, I was an accident-prone kid.  When I was 6 years old, I slipped on fresh chicken shit and fell flat on my chin and required 2 stitches.  I remembered my aunt piggy back me to the nearest clinic and got the doctor to do the stitches and while he was stitching, he farted and my aunt went outside but I couldn't move and suffered from the smell.  Till today, I had the scar at the bottom of my chin, though not visible if I don't show it. When I was 8 years old, my cousins and I were playing on this lazy chair where you can adjust the level of the back.  Somehow, my right index finger got into one of the gears and the next thing I knew is my finger was bleeding badly.  I quickly went to the sink to wash and there was more and more blood coming out.  When my aunt found out about it (t...

Unlike any other profession, a mother is a role that is given upon birth of a child.  There is no certificate, diploma, degree, master or PHD for this profession.  The most education a mother-to-be received is when she attends a breastfeeding class or a prenatal class.  That also is teaching about how to care for a newborn and nothing much about toddler, teenager, etc. A mother's job is a thankless job.  I am still trying to learn the skills to be a good one.  How?  I learned not to do something from friends who already been through it.   Breastfeeding Since I know breast milk is the best milk for babies, from pregnancy itself, I vowed to breastfeed.  Of course that time I didn't know the difficulty of it.  I tried to read as much as I can, but theory is nothing compared to practical.   I am glad I managed to breastfeed until almost 2.5 years old.  Although it was challenging, the rewards we received were mu...

This is easier than I thought.  But the beginning was a little bit tough.  Once my girl got the hang of it, she knew what to do.  And it became a habit after that. Few months back, I wanted to start potty/toilet training.  I got the necessary equipment.  One potty upstairs and one potty downstairs, toddler toilet seat for downstairs and was ready to go. But after few attempts, my girl was completely turned off by the potty.  The moment I asked her to take out her pants to sit on the potty, she would cry and throw tantrums.  So, we stopped completely and back to diaper. I traced back my mistakes and realised me and my parents made these mistakes: 1.  Frustrated when she made accidents - This was me.  Natural reaction when she peed in her pants or on the floor.  Never ever do this. 2. Threaten her - My mom love to do this.  She would tell my daughter if she pee in the potty, then she can go out, or can eat candy o...

It's been more than a week since I last breastfeed my girl.  And this whole week I have been on an emotional wreck. At first I didn't know why I am feeling so down and sad.  Then I pin-pointed it to ending breastfeeding.   Sigh. First, I felt like the relationship on breastfeeding has ended.  A beautiful relationship.  I totally felt very sad about it.  It's not like my girl doesn't like to hug me or kiss me or what not.  It's just this feeling that I am not going to do it again makes me even sadder.  Gosh, am going to cry now.  Coz we are not planning a second child and so I don't think I ever get the chance to breastfeed again. Second, the happy hormones produced during breastfeeding has ended and made me sad and depressed.  Imagine for 2 whole years I was feeling on top of the world and then it stopped.  It's kinda like a drug addiction.   Lastly, I feel sad that I am not going to use the breas...

What does weaning and toilet training has in common?  A toddler have to go through it once in a lifetime as part of growing up. Weaning My girl has been nursing to sleep till lately.  I have tried earlier to wean her by putting some bitter powder on the nipples and her reaction to it hurts me.  For a moment, she paused and stared at me.  I told her 'chut chut' is broken now.  So cannot use anymore.  That afternoon, she slept without it but it hurts me. After that I read something online about not to put bitter stuff on the nipple with the intention to turn off nursing.  Because the boobs had created such a beautiful connection and comfort for the child and you wouldn't want it to turn into bad memories for the little one.  I felt so bad after reading that and went back to letting her suckle to sleep. Few days back, I caught a cold.  In order to prevent it from spreading to my girl, my mom took her to bed with her that night....