The Art of Gifting

Recently there was a new group created on Facebook, where members in that group can freely gift any items to anyone at all.  The idea was to reduce wastage, to Go Green and to promote gifting/blessing.  I really like the idea and I thought it was such a great doing to be gifting to someone else who needed the items, without having to spend any.

Ever since it started in December 2017, I have gifted some preloved baby items and a kitchen item.  In return, I was gifted a baby item as well.

However, there are some issues on the group that I feel I need to discuss/talk about.  

First, there was a set of rules decided by the Admin, which I feel is quite good so that the good intention of the group continues.  Say, cannot give animals, cannot take the items and then resell for profit and so on.

While many members follow strictly the rules otherwise they will be booted out or ban, I still find that there are some unwritten rules that a lot of them are breaking.  Dharma - the right way of living.  Fine, everyone is brought up differently and have different ideas about how and what.  But certain things make me question the intentions of the gifter.

1. Gifter insist takers to list down the reason for taking the items.  

This was part of the rule as well.  It was meant for gifters to decide who to gift the items to.  So, whoever gave the best reasons for taking the items win.  However, there are some people who deemed this is equal to begging.  While some people said it is good so that the gifter know that the items are going to be used instead of going to waste but some said gifters shouldn't ask so many personal questions.

My 2 cents are, if the gifters are not using the item, hence gifting it away to someone who will use it, why do you need to know how and why that person need it for?  The rules already stated that takers cannot take the gifts and then resell them, which had happened when the group first started.  So, what are your worries for?  Yes, gifters want to know if the takers NEED the item rather than WANT the item.  But come on, some items given out are not a NEED item.  Say a voucher to stay somewhere for a holiday or decorative items.  

2. Some gifters can be arrogant too.

While some gifters are very generous, I find there are some gifters who can be arrogant too.  I understand some takers are a bit too much.  Taking too much for their own personal use or for their family members.  There was one gifter whom I have personally encountered, was taking it for herself, her mom, her nieces, her relatives, you name it.  She was quite active in taking until some gifter told her off.

But I find some gifters can be arrogant too.  Say you want to gift something, but don't want to deal with the taker, like cannot come down to pass the items, must come up to the apartment/condo, must abide at certain time only, must meet at a certain place only, must meet at the gifter's convenience only and only 15 minutes not more not less, cannot ring the doorbell, etc, etc.

I have been both a gifter and a taker.  I know the frustrations of being both.  But shouldn't the gifters who are being generous in gifting be polite as well?  I mean it shouldn't only apply to the takers, but gifters too shouldn't be too arrogant in the post?  If you are not happy in gifting and so much of rules that the takers must comply before taking, then please don't gift.  No wonder someone mentioned it is becoming like a begging website that takers have to kinda beg in order to get that item.  I felt like that when I helped my gifter to collect an item from another gifter.

3. Be kind, whether gifter or taker

Yes, gifting is being kind.  It's free of charge right.  Don't be sarcastic in your wordings.  Please and Thank You is a must, whether gifter or taker.  Being a gifter doesn't mean you are entitled just because you are so-called generous.  

Here are some of the problems that I have encountered being a gifter and a taker.  Hence, I have decided, I probably wouldn't do it anymore or maybe I will do it differently.

Problems of a Gifter

1. Gifting to a stranger.

You see, most of the time we are gifting to a stranger.  And our country is not that safe and we are worried who is this stranger coming to take our items, right?  One gifter purposefully prepared a Gifting Bin for the takers to come in and take without disturbing her.  I thought that was such a cool idea.  

I tried not to tell the gifter my home address.  Say, meet at the guard house or another landmark, like a shopping mall.  But when I first gifted, it was a rainy day, so I can't wait at the guard house and I don't trust my guards enough to pass the items to the taker.  So I directed the taker to my home.  Turns out the taker was such a chatty person and was talking non-stop.  And the taker had noted that some of my items not requested yet by anyone and insisted on looking at them and I have no choice but to invite the taker into my home.  And then I tried to give a hint that I am in the middle of my meal and hopefully the taker would just quickly leave but taker didn't take the hint and continue talking about the taker's life story.  After say about 15-20 minutes, the taker finally left.  So, I completely understand when some gifters said they will not entertain the taker.  I totally know what it means. 

The second time I gifted, I personally delivered the items to the taker.  But that is because the taker was about to deliver her child anytime and I can't let her drive to my home to take the items on her own.  I was a little scared too, going to a stranger's house to pass the items.  

So, the third time I gifted, I insisted the taker to come to my office during weekdays, office hours.  It was much easier as they can just come to the lobby and I just drop off the items without having to talk much.

2.  Taker is of a well-to-do family

One of the takers that I have encountered seems to be living in a posh condominium.  While I don't really know her life story or her background, I just gave without asking.  But deep inside, I can't help but to question why would someone who is rich, would want second hand items?  But then again, it was my choice to gift and I didn't ask any question and but still wondered.

Problem of a Taker

I have only taken once.  It was something that I really needed and was on the verge of buying one.  Suddenly I saw the item and immediately was gifted to me.  Gifter A didn't ask any questions too.

At the same time, Gifter A also requested for an item from Gifter B and asked if I can help her to collect the item from Gifter B to pass to her when I collect my item from Gifter A.  I said no problem, since it was on my way.  

Now I have not liaise with Gifter B and was informed by Gifter A that I need to collect the item from a condominium.  I asked if Gifter B can meet me at the guard house but Gifter B said cannot because Gifter B has children at home and can't leave the home.  Totally understand as I am a mother too.  

Here's where it became complicated and I almost gave up.  Gifter B informed Gifter A how to get to the condominium, where to park and how to go up to the condominium.  Sounds like so easy.  But turns out, visitor parking was full and I had to parked in one of the residence parking with the hope that my car won't get clamp.  I went to the lobby as requested and found that all doors to the lift are only accessible if you have the access card.  I went to look for a guard but there was none.  I walked around the place for about 10 minutes and finally decided to message Gifter A to tell her that it was not possible me to go up to Gifter B.  I drove my car to exit and at the guard house asked the guard how to go up when there's no guard at the lobby.

The guard sent another guard to meet me at the lobby and I went to park again and walked to the lobby.  Finally the guard used his access card to open the door to the lifts and I got into the floor of Gifter B's place.  Gifter B has requested the taker not to ring the bell and the item was left outside her home in a garbage bag.  Yeah, like some kind of rubbish lah.  I totally understand Gifter B's request as I am also quite anti-social and wouldn't want to chat up with any stranger.  Moreover, I was only helping to collect the item and not even needing the item myself.  I took the item and went back to the lift.  Turns out the lift decided to go out of order at that particular time and after waiting for 5 minutes and no lift coming, I went to another side to take the lift to go back to my car.  It was a lot of hassle.

Although Gifter A told me that it is purely voluntary basis that I can always opt not to help her to collect the item.  I did it because I thought it was easy and the place is nearby and I have been to that condominium like 15 years ago.

But I find Gifter B to be a bit too arrogant.  If you know that your condominium have this problem of gaining access, why do you not inform before hand?  Why make the taker go round and round trying to get in to take an item which is not even worth my time and energy?  Probably Gifter B didn't realise that her condo have problem with guards who are not station at the lobby and she didn't realise there was a problematic lift.  I just find everything so difficult and I would have gave up taking if I know this before hand.

And the way the gifting was done, say cannot ring the doorbell although the door was wide open and I could even see her kids and the item was left outside in a garbage bag?  Hmm....I don't insist that gifter should wrap up the items in beautiful wrapping paper, but surely there is a better way than this?  When I gave away the baby items, I put it into a big cake box.

On the day when I was suppose to collect my item from Gifter A, I asked Gifter A for the location to meet and Gifter A gave a landmark near her home.  I totally understand why Gifter A doesn't want to reveal her location due to security purposes.  Totally, totally understand.  When I reached the landmark, found no one there and called Gifter A.  Finally Gifter A told me to collect at her home as she can't make it in time to the landmark.  But never mind, I just grab my item and pass Gifter A her item and left immediately.  No small talk, no dilly dally.  Just thank you and good bye.

Gifter A was much better.  Her place was easy to find and she apologised for the hassle she put me through and thanked me profusely for helping her.  I am glad I was able to help somebody.

While I understand the idea and intention of this group is good, but ....I don't know.  It really depends on what item I am gifting/disposing.  I mean the whole intention is to stop hoarding and start sharing.  

If it is a working item and quite pricey, and which is still quite new and in good condition, then I would want to know why the taker need it for.  Say the taker was looking for it for the longest time and couldn't find it and now ta da, that taker wins immediately!

If the item is a non-working or broken item that I am going to throw anyway, I won't ask so much question and will be happy if anyone take them away.

If the item is baby stuff and given to an expecting mother, then I won't ask questions as to why the mother needs it.  Everyone knows baby stuff is only used for a short period and it is quite a waste of money to buy new if there are preloved items.  

Everything is about discretion.  Ideally I am hoping the gifters are generous and willingly to part with their things and takers to politely ask for the item and genuinely in need for them.

Well, this are just my 2 cents.  Admin don't ban me ok?