Weaning and toilet training

What does weaning and toilet training has in common?  A toddler have to go through it once in a lifetime as part of growing up.

Weaning
My girl has been nursing to sleep till lately.  I have tried earlier to wean her by putting some bitter powder on the nipples and her reaction to it hurts me.  For a moment, she paused and stared at me.  I told her 'chut chut' is broken now.  So cannot use anymore.  That afternoon, she slept without it but it hurts me.

After that I read something online about not to put bitter stuff on the nipple with the intention to turn off nursing.  Because the boobs had created such a beautiful connection and comfort for the child and you wouldn't want it to turn into bad memories for the little one.  I felt so bad after reading that and went back to letting her suckle to sleep.

Few days back, I caught a cold.  In order to prevent it from spreading to my girl, my mom took her to bed with her that night.  It was Day 1 of weaning.

The next night, I was dead tired from medication and told my husband to look after the girl.  She had a long nap in the afternoon and couldn't sleep at night and my mom went to bed early.  When they both were ready to bed, I was knocked out and I guess is she didn't pull my blouse up to nurse and that was Day 2 of weaning.

Then Day 3, I was much awake and she insisted me telling her stories after stories.  Still no boobs and she didn't asked for it after I told her no more 'chut chut'.

Day 4 was a little disastrous.  She insisted on 'chut chut' but I was adamant.  No is no.  She cried and cried and I hugged her and she was still crying.  In the end, she cried to sleep in my arms.  I felt really bad.

Day 5 was last night.  From the start, I told her no 'chut chut' that night.  After switching off the lights, she looked for it but I kept my holding my blouse.  She wanted to play with my belly button then and I was ok about it.  Then she asked me to tell her stories again.  One after another.  And she was still wide awake.  In the end, she just slept beside me.  But God knows what time.

How I feel
I missed the connection with her.  The bonding from nursing.  I really missed the oxytocin during nursing.  In fact, I felt I went into a bit of depression.  But why do I want to wean her off?  First, I find she is too attached to the boobs, especially at night and it's only for comfort.  Second, my back has been aching from constant nursing.  Sciatica nerves is no joke.  Third, her preference was the left boob and I felt needle pricking as she kept on stimulating it but no more milk or very little milk left.

I felt the whole journey has ended and felt a little sad about it.  Many times I feel like giving up on weaning and letting her have it.  But she is going to be 2.5 years old soon and I think enough is enough.  The whole journey from struggling like crazy in the beginning to pumping non-stop to thinking how to nurse her in public and I totally feel so sad that I can't use the super sheer 100% cotton muslin nursing cover anymore.

This is the time when I feel I want to have a second child.  Just to nurse again.  I miss it so much already.

Toilet training
On a happy note, I managed to toilet train her yesterday.  At first, she doesn't know how to control and she had accidents.  The second time, she came running to me and informed me but I was a little late and she wet her panties.  The third and forth was a success.  And then eventually, she knew that potty was for peeing and pooing.  Haven't tried the big business.  And still worried about accidents, so made her wore diaper during nap time.  And today back at work, hopefully her grandparents will monitor her.

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