My childhood

I would say that I have a rather good childhood.  I remembered all the good times spent with my cousins and playing with them.  Those were the best times.

However, I was an accident-prone kid.  When I was 6 years old, I slipped on fresh chicken shit and fell flat on my chin and required 2 stitches.  I remembered my aunt piggy back me to the nearest clinic and got the doctor to do the stitches and while he was stitching, he farted and my aunt went outside but I couldn't move and suffered from the smell.  Till today, I had the scar at the bottom of my chin, though not visible if I don't show it.

When I was 8 years old, my cousins and I were playing on this lazy chair where you can adjust the level of the back.  Somehow, my right index finger got into one of the gears and the next thing I knew is my finger was bleeding badly.  I quickly went to the sink to wash and there was more and more blood coming out.  When my aunt found out about it (the same aunt), she again piggy backed me and took a taxi to the nearest clinic.  Found that my whole nail has came out.  No stitches required but needed to be bandaged until a new nail grow.  Somehow, the new nail grew cacat and became double layer.  For many years, there was a part where the finger nail doesn't grow properly, leaving a gap.  Maybe about 10 years back, it has grown completely, but there was still a gap that always attract dust or tiny hair.  Now there's still one stuck in there and can't get it out.

When I was 12 years old, I was playing skipping rope in the house before going to school.  I tied the 2 ends to the grill doors.  When I jumped, one of my leg got caught in the curtain and I fell flat on the floor with my 2 front teeth hitting the marble floor.  Both teeth chipped and I was shocked by the whole thing and didn't dare to tell my parents.  I even chipped the marble floor.  It was that bad.  Later that night, my mom sarcastically told me off and scolded me and said I don't need to eat now because no more teeth.  I went to my room and cried.  Then she came and checked on me.  I thought I was doomed with chipped teeth forever until 2 years later, she finally decided to fix my teeth by having it crown.  For the 2 years, I didn't dare to smile.  I was shy and reserved and doesn't talk much too.  It was torturing.  I missed my nice 2 front teeth, but now I have crowned ones which come with side effects.  Because it is not real, the teeth somehow looks whiter than the rest of the teeth.  It's harder to clean and initially I kept getting swollen nerves.  Lately, I heard from my dentist that my lower teeth is grinding against the metal part of the top crown and causing it to be shorter and shorter.  Was warned not to grind but somehow found that whenever I am stressed, I grind more.  

Because of all these accidents, it made me became very timid and dare not take risk.  Once bitten, twice shy.  Therefore, I am super careful when it comes to my girl.  I refused to let her go through the route I went through again.  It was difficult and the scars last forever.  

I kept telling my nephew, if you break your bones, doctors can fix it.  But it's not as good as the original bone.  When we get older, those places hurt more.  Thank God I have never broken any bone.

But once you break your teeth, they will never grow again.  Just like the bones.  Or worse, if you break your spine, you can be paralysed forever.

I do regret doing all the dangerous stunts.  Not that I was being naughty, just very curious and playful.  Especially for my teeth.  Not that there is no fix.  If you have the money, the fix is always there.  

Growing up with all these incidents, I became very fearful of everything.  Because of the trauma from the teeth incident, I refused to talk to strangers.  Even asking question to salesperson scares me.  I refused to order food on my own and depended on my friends entirely.  Even after I got my teeth fixed, it scares me so much to open my mouth.  

So much so that I always doubted my decision.  I didn't have anyone to talk to.  Whenever I have done something wrong, all I got from my family was reprimanded and scolded.  No one sat with me to talk to me nicely.  I kept everything inside me. 

When my sister became the troublemaker, she got more attention than I was.  I became reserved, quiet and just trying my best to be kind and do the right thing.  

Now whenever I see my reflection in my girl, I realised how much pained I have become.  And I was doing the same as what my parents did to me.  I screamed and shouted at her when she threw tantrum.  It probably scares her more and made her cried louder.

Today I am going to try to hold her and kiss her when she threw tantrum.  Let's see if it works this way.