About upbringing
Few days ago, I had a chat with a Grab driver. The conversation started about my work and then flows to our family and kids. Coincidentally, his only daughter is just a day older than my girl.
His daughter is on formula from 6 months old till now and weighing 18kg and is overweight for her age. So he is asking what formula I am using for my girl and when I said I don't give formula and he asked why.
For my girl, I just gave fresh milk when I stopped breastfeeding at 2 years old. I tried sheep formula and in my heart still don't feel comfortable about giving processed food. So I ended up giving fresh milk. Fine it is also processed, as in squeezed out, packed in bottles and shipped. But lesser things are added into it.
I am not against formula. I am just not comfortable with the ingredients in it. And I have seen kids who drank formula are a little on the hyper side. He told that his girl can't sit still and kept on breaking things in the house. And besides that, his girl is now being asked to lose weight by the paed, which I find it is highly difficult as you can't stop a child from eating when they are hungry.
I would highly and strongly promote giving breast milk until at least 2 years old. At least. 6 months is too short a time.
I feel he doesn't have enough knowledge about breastfeeding and formula. Still the traditional type who thinks that cold fresh milk will make the stomach go queasy. If your child is lactose intolerant, then fresh milk is probably not suitable. I am lactose intolerant and I can't drink a certain brand of fresh milk. It's always a trial and error for me and if I find the right fresh milk, I keep to it.
For example, I simply can't tolerate Starbucks. I don't drink coffee but had ordered chocolate before. And it would make me run to the toilet few times in 24 hours. It's because of the milk added to it.
If your child is lactose intolerant, then perhaps soy milk is the better option. But then again, I wouldn't suggest to drink so much of soy. You heard that soy contains phytoestrogen and I feel if you overdo it, then your body become estrogen dominant. For a woman who struggled to conceive a child earlier on, estrogen dominant plays a part in fertility. Google it.
Again, emphasizing here that I am neither a doctor nor professional trained medically. I am just speaking from experience and reading a lot on Google.
In fact, everything has to be in moderation.
Then the subject moved to whether my girl can talk. I said yes and quite talkative actually. And he went on questioning about what apps I used and so on. And I told him I don't give gadget to my girl at all. Her grandparents let her watch cartoons and YouTube, but only on the TV, not on gadgets. He asked why. Coz she cannot control the TV but she can control the iPad or smartphone. On TV, she has to watch until the show ends, no matter how she like or dislike it.
Later I found out that his girl doesn't know many words. And he lets her watch YouTube on his phone or tablet so that she can learn languages. Also let her play educational apps.
I also feel that my girl start talking early because of my nephew at home. And we don't baby-talk to her. We talk to her like an adult. It's different if the child is the only child at home.
I don't like to compare kids to kids as every kid is unique in their own sweet way. But when it comes to development, you have to check whether your child is on par at a certain age. If not, then it is best to seek help professionally. If there is a problem, better get it sorted out early. You know like autism or speech delay, etc.
I have mentioned before I don't like to give gadgets to my girl, although I am addicted to my phone when back home. I have seen and literally seen how she got addicted to my phone when I gave her an educational app. She refused to return my phone and then threw tantrums.
I let her watch YouTube sometimes on my iPad but limit it to 30 minutes max per day. I prefer to let her watch on the TV because I find if you let them keep on changing the screen on the tablet, it does affect their attention span. They become too impatient if the show is too long. At least on the TV, she doesn't know how to use the remote control yet and have to watch until the end or just walk out. Instead of kept on feeding the brain with information after information.
I can tell you one thing for sure and I have heard this from many friends. Gadget addiction is hard to break for kids. If they are older, and one day you decided enough is enough, you will find them throwing tantrums or things and kicking a big fuss etc. There are cases where the child become violent and start hitting the parents back when gadgets were taken away from them. So be very, very careful. Again, everything in moderation.
The conversation soon went on to which pre-school I am planning to send my girl. He is planning to send his girl next year when she turns 3. I told him I don't intend to send her to any school yet until she is 4. I have joined this FB group about Malaysian education and there are many parents who said they regretted sending their first child to school so early, until they lost interest. So for the second child, they delayed until 4 years old. Let them play for the first 3 years. So I am just following.
Of course, I also teach her alphabets and numbers and colours and shapes at home. But no fixed timetable.
I am not an expert in bringing up a child. I don't have a PHD in child psychology. These are the things that I have experienced and read. And I always feel, how a child behaves is from upbringing. Some parents misunderstood me that I kept on blaming parents when a child misbehaves. That when a child is older, they should be able to think themselves and self-correct.
Hmm...if a child is a spoiled brat from young, parents didn't teach the child to do chores, as an adult, he/she will not do any chores and expect others to do for them. If the parents always teach the child to behaves nicely, etc but in front of the child behaves like monsters, the child will learn as well. So is it upbringing problem? I would say yes.
My girl always show me how bad I behave and it is quite scary actually. I have to tone down and reflect on my actions a lot.
Upbringing is not only how the parents teaches the child but also how the parents behave in front of the child. How they live together, do things together and how they talk to each other.
At my nephew's concert recently, all the best and creative art pieces were displayed. These art pieces were created by child and parent together. One child about 6 years old were walking around with his mom and viewing the exhibits. I don't know what the child said but the mother replied, "There is no way I am going to make this with you. No way. Don't expect me to."
I don't know the mother and seriously don't know what's her problem. The child was so disappointed in his tone and facial expression but the mother wouldn't budge. It's not about winning but it's all about bonding. I feel so bad for the child. If mother behaves like that, how do you expect the child to behave better than that?
Another thing I feel that has a huge influence on a child's behaviour is religion. Keep them in whatever religion, teach them about life and praying and Divine and meditating. I feel it is good especially if the parents themselves unsure how to bring the child up. Let God guide instead.
A conversation with few colleagues mentioned how a certain politician is so thick-faced and entitled even though now fallen from grace. I said I feel there is something in his upbringing that is making him behave like that. Perhaps when he was small, he only mixed with the upper class people and doesn't know the struggle of the poor. So he feels entitled to everything and still think he is doing the right thing. And I feel he is totally a spoiled brat although now he is in his 60s. A colleague disagreed and said I shouldn't keep blaming the parents for whatever this guy is doing. She said that after a certain age, there are many influences to his thinking. Yes, I agree. But the most basic thing in life, the righteous way to live, starts from young. When you are older, you already have a fixed mindset and that's not going to change easily.
I always tell this to myself when it comes to my girl and I am trying my very best to be a proper mom to her and I am not perfect. I can see my weaknesses in her clearly.
Everything in moderation.
Start early.
You want to teach anything to a child, start early when they are receptive.
Later I found out that his girl doesn't know many words. And he lets her watch YouTube on his phone or tablet so that she can learn languages. Also let her play educational apps.
I also feel that my girl start talking early because of my nephew at home. And we don't baby-talk to her. We talk to her like an adult. It's different if the child is the only child at home.
I don't like to compare kids to kids as every kid is unique in their own sweet way. But when it comes to development, you have to check whether your child is on par at a certain age. If not, then it is best to seek help professionally. If there is a problem, better get it sorted out early. You know like autism or speech delay, etc.
I have mentioned before I don't like to give gadgets to my girl, although I am addicted to my phone when back home. I have seen and literally seen how she got addicted to my phone when I gave her an educational app. She refused to return my phone and then threw tantrums.
I let her watch YouTube sometimes on my iPad but limit it to 30 minutes max per day. I prefer to let her watch on the TV because I find if you let them keep on changing the screen on the tablet, it does affect their attention span. They become too impatient if the show is too long. At least on the TV, she doesn't know how to use the remote control yet and have to watch until the end or just walk out. Instead of kept on feeding the brain with information after information.
I can tell you one thing for sure and I have heard this from many friends. Gadget addiction is hard to break for kids. If they are older, and one day you decided enough is enough, you will find them throwing tantrums or things and kicking a big fuss etc. There are cases where the child become violent and start hitting the parents back when gadgets were taken away from them. So be very, very careful. Again, everything in moderation.
The conversation soon went on to which pre-school I am planning to send my girl. He is planning to send his girl next year when she turns 3. I told him I don't intend to send her to any school yet until she is 4. I have joined this FB group about Malaysian education and there are many parents who said they regretted sending their first child to school so early, until they lost interest. So for the second child, they delayed until 4 years old. Let them play for the first 3 years. So I am just following.
Of course, I also teach her alphabets and numbers and colours and shapes at home. But no fixed timetable.
I am not an expert in bringing up a child. I don't have a PHD in child psychology. These are the things that I have experienced and read. And I always feel, how a child behaves is from upbringing. Some parents misunderstood me that I kept on blaming parents when a child misbehaves. That when a child is older, they should be able to think themselves and self-correct.
Hmm...if a child is a spoiled brat from young, parents didn't teach the child to do chores, as an adult, he/she will not do any chores and expect others to do for them. If the parents always teach the child to behaves nicely, etc but in front of the child behaves like monsters, the child will learn as well. So is it upbringing problem? I would say yes.
My girl always show me how bad I behave and it is quite scary actually. I have to tone down and reflect on my actions a lot.
Upbringing is not only how the parents teaches the child but also how the parents behave in front of the child. How they live together, do things together and how they talk to each other.
At my nephew's concert recently, all the best and creative art pieces were displayed. These art pieces were created by child and parent together. One child about 6 years old were walking around with his mom and viewing the exhibits. I don't know what the child said but the mother replied, "There is no way I am going to make this with you. No way. Don't expect me to."
I don't know the mother and seriously don't know what's her problem. The child was so disappointed in his tone and facial expression but the mother wouldn't budge. It's not about winning but it's all about bonding. I feel so bad for the child. If mother behaves like that, how do you expect the child to behave better than that?
Another thing I feel that has a huge influence on a child's behaviour is religion. Keep them in whatever religion, teach them about life and praying and Divine and meditating. I feel it is good especially if the parents themselves unsure how to bring the child up. Let God guide instead.
A conversation with few colleagues mentioned how a certain politician is so thick-faced and entitled even though now fallen from grace. I said I feel there is something in his upbringing that is making him behave like that. Perhaps when he was small, he only mixed with the upper class people and doesn't know the struggle of the poor. So he feels entitled to everything and still think he is doing the right thing. And I feel he is totally a spoiled brat although now he is in his 60s. A colleague disagreed and said I shouldn't keep blaming the parents for whatever this guy is doing. She said that after a certain age, there are many influences to his thinking. Yes, I agree. But the most basic thing in life, the righteous way to live, starts from young. When you are older, you already have a fixed mindset and that's not going to change easily.
I always tell this to myself when it comes to my girl and I am trying my very best to be a proper mom to her and I am not perfect. I can see my weaknesses in her clearly.
Everything in moderation.
Start early.
You want to teach anything to a child, start early when they are receptive.
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