About

Hi!  This blog is dedicated to my TTC journey and progressing to pregnancy and later motherhood.  Here's my long history.

TTC Journey

Aug 2011 - Married at 33 yo, DH 37.  As DH and I were living in 2 separate countries at that time, we didn't actively TTC.

Nov 2012 - Visited DH

Dec 2012 - BFP.  DH finally moved to Malaysia.

Jan 2013 - MMC at 6 weeks.  

Nov 2013 - Actively TTC again.

Mar 2014 - False BFP

Aug 2014 - Visited Fertility Specialist

Sep 2014 - Hormone test ok.  SA ok.  HSG ok.  Insulin resistance 17.  Vitamin D levels 37.7.  Started Centrum multivitamin, Fish Oil, Folic Acid, Metformin 500mg, Vitamin D3, Caltrate (calcium)

Oct 2014 - Suspected slight PCOS.  Insulin resistance 14.  Increased Metformin to 1000mg.  Finally lost 1kg after so many years.

First BFP symptoms

Craved for macaroni and cheese

Massive bloating on day of implantation

Nausea and vomiting

Tired

Breast sore

Nose and ears stuffy

Eye twitches

I do strongly believe that if you TTC in your 20s, you will have a better chance of becoming a mother.  Once you reach your 30s, your body kinda slow down and more problems crops up.  Perhaps if I have led a healthy lifestyle, I wouldn't be having all these problems right now.

Here's my theory of why I miscarried and can't conceive for so long.  Bear in mind, I am no Obgyn but then who knows my body better than myself.  Even Obgyn are only guessing.

Periods

They were regular 28 days.  Never misses one in my lifetime except when I was temporarily pregnant.  Many of my friends were shocked when I told them I couldn't conceive despite regular periods.  Further check found I have slight PCOS, which was a shock to me as well.

Weight

Since leaving the active audit job in 2010 and settled for sedentary job instead, my weight has increased slowly but surely each year, from 48kg to 53kg (Sept 2014).  I tried everything.  Exercise, eating lesser, healthier.  But nothing works.  I told my friends, something is definitely wrong with my body.  I don't know what it was but I can't seem to stay at the same weight, what more to lose it.  And I was eating the same portion and doing the same walk everyday (except weekends).

Hormone imbalance

When my hair started to drop a lot and weight increased and my nails have ridges on it, I began to suspect hormone imbalance.  At first I thought it was thyroid but the result came back normal.  I didn't do anything to it but just kept on eating normally and tried to move to the healthier option.  Never in my life would I have suspected that hormone imbalance can also cause infertility.

Fertility Specialist

I have never thought myself as a person with infertility problems.  Even my family members, due to my regular periods.  When we couldn't conceive after so many months, my mom said it might be DH's problem and told us to check.  I refused because I simply can't accept that we can't conceive naturally without drugs.  Finally, upon my friend's persuasion, I gave in.  That was the most grateful thing ever.  Thank you, my dear friend.

Diagnosis

Here's what I think happened.

When I started the new job in 2010, I was 32 years old and don't even have a boyfriend.  Met DH soon after and got married the next year.  We didn't try actively, in fact were using protection as we didn't want to accidentally get pregnant.  Little did we know, even without protection, we couldn't get pregnant.

The sedentary work didn't help my health.  I thought I was still young and my health will still be good compared to my parents.  I ate happily.  But when my weight began to increase, I began to worried and control my food, not much though.  Compared to the audit job, this job I walked a lot as the parking is located quite far from the parking and lunch places is also not near.  So much of walking until my feet hurts when I wore heels and ended up wearing FitFlop for comfort.

When I got pregnant the first time, I was happy and yet confused.  Deep inside, we were not ready.  DH haven't move to Malaysia yet and we haven't started living together as a couple.  I really don't know if we were prepared for it.  I have doubts.  I worried we couldn't provide a good place for baby.  By the time I have started to accept the fact that I was pregnant and also told some closed friends about it, I lost it.  It was devastating as I felt emotionally bound to my womb now.  And suddenly, it was gone, without any warning.

It was called a Missed Miscarriage.  We didn't know until on the ultrasound that there was no heartbeat and didn't grow anymore.  Suspected chromosomal defect.

Many months later, after pulling myself together, we TTC again.  But to no avail.

Finally, met with Fertility Specialist who diagnosed me with unknown infertility or slight PCOS.

Though she didn't give me much info, but thanks to Mr Google, the info is abundant.

Insulin resistance is what I feel the main reason for my miscarriage and unable to conceive.  Many people misunderstood why I am taking Metformin, which is a drug for diabetic when I don't have diabetes.  

I suspect insulin resistance runs in my family.  My sister took 4 years to conceive as well, but she has irregular periods.  My grandma, though had 10 children, was fat.  In fact, being fat is probably one of the reason for insulin resistance as the insulin hormones get stuck in between the fats instead of going into the blood.

Insulin resistance also causes PCOS.  Read this for more info on Insulin Resistance.  Basically, if you have insulin resistance doesn't necessary mean you are diabetic.  But if you are diabetic, it's most likely caused by insulin resistance.

So, long story short, started to take Metformin.  Though I am not comfortable to take a drug with high dosage to conceive, but if that's what it does, then I am willing.

The optimal level for insulin resistance is below 11.  First blood test in Sept 2014 was 17 and second blood test in Oct 2014 was 14.  Reduction means Metformin works for me.  But since it was still above the optimal level, the dosage has been increased.

Because I am insulin resistance, I suspected the eggs that I produced are not quality eggs.  Since DH's sperm analysis came back normal and good, then it's my egg problems that resulted the fetus unable to grow further, causing the Missed Miscarriage.

I was unable to conceive for so long as I suspect, I didn't ovulate when I should or that my ovulation took place much later and not enough time for it to grow and implant before the next period.  My ovaries didn't produce the quality egg for it to meet the sperm.  This is also caused by insulin resistance.

So, although I have regular periods, I do not ovulate sometimes.  And even if I did, my eggs were not of good quality.  Even if I did manage to conceive, I would probably miscarried again.

Unable to lose weight was probably one of the insulin resistance symptoms.

Yes, all my hormones were normal, except for Insulin and that plays a huge part in fertility.

So, there you go.  Get your insulin hormones level checked.  I will keep on updating here to see if Metformin will help me to conceive.  Hopefully it will.

Finally got BFP in May 2015.  EDD is end of January 2016.