It's all connected ~~ something for new moms to know

My maternity leave is coming to an end soon.  And what have I learned in the past 2 months was really incredible.  In the end, I have only 1 answer to all the problems and obstacles that I have faced in the past 2 months, and that is in the end, believe in God, for He is the only one who can help us.

Let me just round up all the snags and obstacles that I have faced.  I believe all new moms faced the same issues, but I have an extra thing that happened.  It's gonna be a long story, so please sit down, take some food or drink.  

I am sure you have read my birth story.  If not, please go here and read it.  Because what I am about to write is all connected, right from the beginning.  

1. Difficult labour

I didn't know that a difficult labour could spell difficult breastfeeding journey.  I only know to try as natural as possible and reduce as much medication as possible.  Next time, if I know birth is gonna be this difficult, I will opt for c-section.  Since my natural labour didn't make much difference with all the difficulties.

a) Too much artificial hormones inside me when labour was induced.  Oxytocin tells the brain that I have enough of oxytoxin, so no need to produce anymore.  But oxytoxin is the only hormones to induce a let-down when it comes to breastfeeding.  So, no let-down or slow let-down means you will take hours in breastfeeding and that's what happened to me.

b) Lost lots of blood can also make our body producing low supply of breast milk which is still my case.  And because of lost of blood also, the nurses didn't allow me to have lots of skin-to-skin with my baby because they needed to stitch me up fast before further complications.

c) No dilation means my body didn't produce enough oxytocin to open my cervix.  Not enough oxytocin means same problem as (1) (a).

2. Cry baby

Babies are meant to cry.  It's their only way of communication.  But if a baby is crying excessively, like mine, do find out what's the problem.  Of course, baby cries when hungry, dirty, sleepy or just wanting to be cuddle and manja.  But later only I found out that my baby was crying so much because she has hernia, which I will explain later.  Although I still can't be sure that it was the hernia that made her cry so much, but today 1 day post-surgery and she is crying lesser.  

3. Breastfeeding challenges

God gave us a pair of boobs to feed our kids but didn't give us the knowledge to do it.  Learning how to use our boobs for breastfeeding is a process.  Just like we have to learn how to walk or run.  It's just that it's easier to learn this when young and the only way to learn how to breastfeed is trial and error.

a) Nipple confusion

So, because of the difficult labour, I didn't feel connected to my baby girl.  So I gave permission to the nurses to mixed feed her with formula.  I thought to myself, surely my baby is smart enough to know which is mommy's nipple and which is bottle nipple.  

When baby is so young, they still can't me sure which is which until say 6-7 weeks when they start to be more aware of their surrounding.  

I struggled with nipple confusion in the first week and needed lactation aid to help her get back at the breast.

b) Sucking problem

I didn't have latching problem but I have a big sucking problem.  When baby was not gaining weight and was reducing weight and I was asked to mix feed with formula at 1 month, I found that it's because she was latching nicely but failed to suckle properly.  Instead, she was just nibbling at the breast.  This is also one reason she was crying so much because she was hungry all the time.

c) Low milk supply

Because she was not suckling properly, that action didn't trigger my milk to come in.  So my milk supply stalled.  In the end, I have to take domperidone and get her to latch all the time in order to boost my supply.  Right now, I just have enough for her.  Don't even have enough to build stock.  Thank God, I have milk donor and manage to get baby to fully on breast milk again.

d) Formula

At first I was having much hatred towards formula.  But in the end, it was formula that helped baby to gain weight while I struggled to increase my milk supply.  Giving formula to a baby is not a sin.  It's of course not as nutritious as breast milk, but sometimes we just have to make do with it.

4. Poor weight gain

Baby was having very poor weight gain at 1 month.  When I research in Google, found that some people said it's normal, some said it's not.  

Well, let me just share with you my experience.  It is normal if you were heavily induced at labour (which was my case) and baby usually lost some weight due to water retention but will surely gain back his/her birth weight by 1 month.  Mine did not.  It is not normal if by 1 month, baby has not gone back to birth weight but instead have further reduction.  Mine only increase 0.02kg at 1 month.  

5. Inguinal hernia

At 5 weeks, found that baby has a lump near her groin.  We can only see the lump when baby cries really hard.  Found later that it's an inguinal hernia and most likely her ovary fell.  Inguinal hernia is more common with boys than girls, but being the lucky 10%, we got it.  The only way to repair inguinal hernia is through surgery.  Yes, my baby girl went in for her first surgery at 7 weeks.  

Can you see how everything was so inter-connected?  For 2 months, I was struggling to connect the dots, but failed to see that in the end there's nothing really I can do about except to just pray hard.

So, a difficult labour has caused me to have some breastfeeding challenges.  Because of the breastfeeding challenges, baby was crying a lot and having poor weight gain.  Because baby was crying a lot, I was able to see her hernia.  But because of the hernia too, baby was in discomfort and was crying a lot.  It's a cycle.  

Formula has helped baby to put on weight in time for her hernia repair surgery.  Don't blast me for using formula.

Right from the beginning, everything I do was wrong to some people, especially the elderly people in my house.

~ Getting baby too use to my nipple is wrong as baby will not want to take the bottle or anyone to feed her for that matter.

~ Carrying baby all the time is wrong because baby would only want to be carry for everything.

~ Letting baby sleep on my chest is wrong because baby will not want to sleep anywhere after that.

Let me tell you that none of the above is wrong.  Cuddle your baby as much as possible.  You only have a short maternity leave.  Those who have more than 2 months, you are so lucky.  Bond as much as possible.  Your baby will misses you by the time you go back to work and vice versa.  You won't have that much of chance to let baby suckle you endlessly day and night nor letting baby sleep on your chest while you smell his/her hair and feeling her body heat on yours.

In the end, all the things that I do not want to have, but I have to give in because the caretakers feel I have spoilt my baby so much that she doesn't want anything else.

Eg, I have refused to give her the spring craddle (aka sarong craddle) because I believe it is not healthy and quite dangerous for baby.  But now I have to give in because baby wants to be carry all the time to sleep.  

Since baby cries all the time,  I have to give in to pacifier which I have refused to give too as I heard many stories about crooked teeth.  But baby doesn't like it, which I was secretly happy inside.

But, there's always a but.  Since the surgery, baby is crying lesser and in much a happier mood.  So, I am hoping that she remains that way and not because of the effects of the anesthetic.  So, I don't need to give in to spring craddle and that the caretakers will have an easier time with baby.

So, to sum up what I learned in these 2 months, 

• A breastfeeding mother is more difficult than a formula mother.  But that doesn't make you less of a mother if you give formula.
• Many people will throw advices at you and judge your actions, especially if this is your first child.  Just listen to your heart although it can be difficult because it's easier to listen to others.
• Just surrender to God because in the end, the more things you want to do, the more God doesn't help you.  God only helped when I have surrendered completely.  Like literally with white flag and all because in the end, I can't do much anymore.
• This is only the beginning of motherhood.

In the end, I have not rested at all during these 2 months.   I am seriously sleep deprived and tired.  But it was all so rewarding to see my baby smile and to be able to feed baby with my boobs.