We made it ~ 1 month old

I never thought getting through the 1 month can be so difficult, but we made it.  What was difficult was confinement, eating all those heaty food while struggling with breastfeeding.

Don't ever think that just because God gave us ladies a pair of boobies that we are supposed to know how to use them when it comes to breastfeeding.  It's not automatic knowledge.  Just like God gave us arms and legs and we have to learn how to use them as we go along this journey of life.  I would say we have to train our breasts and baby how to feed.  It's like a mutual agreement and both must come to terms in order to have a smooth breastfeeding journey.

I won't say I am a pro now, but at least breastfeeding has been established.  But just as I feel we are good at it, it's time for me to train her for bottle feeding and not latch so much during the day, so that when I get back to work, it's easy for her grandparents and baby and me.

I believe I went through post-partum depression for a bit.  I felt hopeless and helpless as a mom and felt like I am a bad mom.  Many times, I was so afraid I might hurt her, because she is so fragile.  Also at times when she was crying non-stop, I just gave up and let her cry and do nothing to hold her or soothe her or comfort her.  Thank God I have a bunch of very good sisters who kept checking on me to ensure I was on the right path.  

What causes me to be depress?  Main thing was lack of support in the family, including my husband.  My mom was passing comments that everything I do seems to be wrong and she kept telling me my baby is hungry, that's why she is crying.  As it is, I was struggling to breastfeed her snd it doesn't help to have someone negative to keep pulling me down.  Unfortunately, my husband listened to my mom and believed that I should supplement with formula.  What I detest the most during this time was for them to keep asking me if I have milk.  One day, I just squeezed my boobs in front of my husband to show him milk oozing out from them.  He believes me thereafter.

As for my mom, it seems to her nothing I do is right.  I used cloth diapers, she said it's too bulky and baby is uncomfortable.  I find cloth diapers the best because first, baby pees a lot (though not much poop), so save a lot on disposable diapers.  Second, cloth diapers that I used is 'lampin' with Grovia cover,  I have to admit that it is bulky because baby is very tiny.  But it's cotton and everytime it's wet, I just change it.  Unlike disposable that can absorb tons to pee and still looks like brand new.  Baby tends to get rashes that way.  Third, it's easier to see if baby had peed.  And this is important so that we know if baby is feeding well.

When I massaged baby, she also said I am not doing it right and was afraid I hurt her.  But the most detested comment was that baby is hungry, hungry and hungry.  Therefore crying, crying and crying.  She kept comparing baby with my nephew, who was a quiet baby.  

I find my stressful labour contributed to baby's irritation unlike my nephew who decided it was time to come out on his own. 

Whatever it is, we survived the 1 month.  Though comments kept coming, I chose to ignore and take baby away from them as much as I could.  

I am beginning to understand baby and she understand me as well.

My baby cries because she wants her mother all the time.  She doesn't like others so much, for now.  She sleeps better if I am right next to her or when I craddle her to sleep.  She stops crying when I gave her the nipples.  She is comforted by it like a pacifier.

Anyway, if you are a new mom, please don't listen to those negative comments.  Talk to friends who have breastfed their children.  The older generation is very typical and think that everything you do is making baby to suffer.  Please don't think so.  

You are a great mom.