Obstacles after obstacles

I feel so fed up and tired.  Maybe lack of sleep has been contributing to this feeling, but I feel so unhappy, uneasy, discomfort and lots of worries.

Since delivery, I feel there is not a single day without challenges or obstacles.  I knew having a baby will have its share of ups and downs.  But I feel there's just too many downs that I don't see any up at all.  And its just so disheartening.  Sometimes I blamed myself for all these that happened.  Sometimes I feel so helpless that nothing can be done.  Except I just stared at the poster on the wall near the bed which reads, "I Surrender".

1. Financial

I knew having a baby will be costly.  But I didn't expect with GST and so many unexpected things, our financial position will be so badly hit.

I am trying to save as much as I can but every month, we are living pay cheque to pay cheque.  And I truly worry for the future.

a) New home

We got vacant possession of our new apartment in January 2016, 2 weeks before baby was due.  Since I was heavily pregnant and DH can't drive and doesn't know the local language and the local law, he couldn't help me much.  So, I just left it as it is and didn't do anything about it.  We also expected not to move in so soon as we just have a baby.

When we got the apartment 3 years back, we didn't expect we will have a baby around the same time we got the vacant possession.  So, everything came all at once.

Now that I am back to work, a new home spells lots of renovation and paying monthly installment and maintenance fees.  This is a big chunk out of our pocket.

We hope we can get it rented out soon, to recover back some money instead.  Else, every month, all I see is RED in our bank account.

b) Formula milk powder and disposable diapers

When pregnant, I was strongly against giving formula milk and wearing disposable diapers.  This was also because it's expensive and I prefer to breastfeed and wear cloth diaper, which will be better for our pockets.

Unfortunately, our breastfeeding was such a huge obstacle that I have to resort to giving her formula milk.  And because my parents are looking after baby and they have lots to complain about giving cloth diaper (because they do the laundry as well), so we are using disposable diapers.  I feel bad adding soiled diaper to our landfill but can't help to admire how dry baby is in disposable and how easy it is to dispose her soiled diaper, especially when she has pooped.  

c) Unexpected hospital cost

When pregnant, I knew I have chosen a most expensive hospital and expensive Obgyn to give birth.  But I have it all planned out and budgeted.  Before I decided on the hospital and Obgyn, I have given much thought to where I want to give birth to.  Also because of the miscarriage before this pregnancy, I was very wary about Obgyn and wanted to get a very good one.

Of course, all these added to the hospital cost when compared to government hospital.  But for next delivery, I will go to a government hospital as it is way much cheaper than private.

Then baby has to go for the hernia corrective surgery which was something out of the blue.  And the cost of RM5k was truly an added on burden to our already dented financial.  I tried to claim back from insurance but still no sign of it.  Praying hard that I will get it back.

d) Baby's stuff

I am blessed that I got so many preloved baby things from my sister and friends.  Save me a lot of cost and I didn't buy much for baby.  But still, there are so many trial and error stuff that was driving me nuts because I keep on buying to see what works until I got a system that worked.  Like Freemie is wasted.  

2. Our new apartment

As mentioned above, we got vacant possession of our new apartment.  When we bought the apartment 3 years back, we were promised a shopping mall, just walking distance.  But 3 years down the road and no sign of the shopping mall.  Because of that, the value of our apartment fell.  Can't sell, can't rent out.

Since we can't move in as well, we are hoping we can rent out.  But the rent can't be a high price because many of the units are being rented out as well.  Too much supply, too little demand.  We are in the process of doing up the apartment and will try to rent it out.  If not, then I am just paying extra every month and not utilising the place well.

3. Baby's insurance

When I was pregnant, I wanted to buy that Prudential insurance for pregnant women and baby.  But I didn't because I told myself, nothing will ever happened to her.  If needed hospitalisation, my company's insurance will cover.  I didn't want to pay the additional premium.

And then I regretted it.  Because when baby has hernia and needed surgery, I was told that the insurance would be able to pay for it.  Now, I tried to claim from my company's insurance and doesn't seem to be very successful.  Big sigh.

So, I decided to buy for her an insurance that cover education as well.  But there are so many obstacles to it because I am the beneficiary and now they are evaluating my health and needed so much of report and stuff.  On top of that, they want to evaluate baby as well because of hernia.  Sigh sigh sigh.  Till now, the insurance still not approved yet.

4. Salary increment

When we bought the apartment, I calculated and see if I can afford to pay for the monthly installments.  And I told myself, it will be ready 3 years down the road and I should get a better pay by then.  Who would have thought GST came in and gave us a big slide down.  With a miserly increment, I feel I am being strangled at all points.  

I hope things will be better soon in the future.  I dare not think of the future.  I can't help but to admire my friends who has made it.  Like married someone who is super rich.  Or worked in a very good company that provide fantastic benefits and good pay.  Or someone who is not in Malaysia and earned foreign currency and making way much more than us here.

Will baby bring us good fortune?  I hope so.  I truly, truly hope so.