Being grateful

Yesterday, I bumped into a blog.  The blog was created by a Malaysian mother sharing her ups and downs with her son (now 3 years old), who was born deaf.  

What I didn't realised was, I took for granted the newborn hearing test that baby passed successfully.  On the day we were to be discharged, while I got ready all the discharge stuff and payment, baby went for a newborn hearing test.  I didn't pressed further as to what it was.  In my mind, I was imagining they use some tool and make some sound and see if baby cries upon hearing the loud sound.  But the fact is, it is much more.  There is some sort of a machine that they hooked baby to and clicking sound is played and see if baby has any response.

Then in baby's birth book, it was written that she passed the newborn hearing test.  I was delighted that baby is normal and ok.  

Baby's hearing is super sensitive, somewhat like mine.  She jumped upon hearing the slightest sound, like opening doors and that would wake her up from her sleep.  At times like this, I wish her hearing was less sensitive so that she could sleep longer and give me more rest.  

But when I read that blog, I felt I have taken things for granted.  That tick on my baby's birth book about the newborn hearing test.  This mother explains how her son failed the newborn hearing test but was told that probably side effects from c-sec.  Two months later, he failed again.  And again and again and again.  Finally, he was diagnosed with severe hearing loss.  Something about his ear didn't develop properly while in the womb.  No one knows why or how it happened.  

This mother also share how her son doesn't react to thunder or to any noise at all.  How she just wished her son would turn around when she called him.  Of course, now 3 years down the road, he is much better with hearing aid and cochlear transplant.  But the challenges and obstacles that she went through, I cannot imagine.  Hospital visits one after another.  Multiple tests one after another.  Not to mention the finances that came with it.

Then I began to treasure my baby's sensitive hearing.  Baby inherited the sleeping style from Daddy, who is a light sleeper and wakes up at any sound or movement and inherited my hearing sensitivity.  I am very sensitive to any music, sound, beats and can hear anything that is far away.  Sometimes I can even hear gossips although they are seated far from me.

Therefore, baby wakes up at the slightest sound, door opening, Daddy talking, all except the iPad sound.

I am just so grateful that baby is normal.  And I pray that she will grow up as a normal child and healthy and strong.

So many things I took for granted.  I kept on comparing my life with the others without realising or seeing the challenges that the others went through.  

Lately, I am reminded to keep on being grateful all the time.  Read on Dayre about mothers who had stillborn and now have a normal baby.  How much they loved and treasured the newborn and yet not forgetting the stillborn.  Also about premature babies whom the mothers once struggled to feed and worry if they can hang on till tomorrow.  And now they are all grown up and normal.

Being a mother, we worry all the time, every step of the way, every single moment.  During early pregnancy, I worried about miscarriage after having gone through one.  Then during the second trimester, I worried if my baby is growing normally or not, took this and that test to see.  During the third trimester, I worried if I have gestational diabetes or if baby will be born premature or stillborn.  Everyday I was praying for baby to hang in there until she is due.

And sure enough, I am thankful she did and came out at 40 weeks 2 days.  That also being induced. 

While in my womb, I also worried if she get a big patch of birth mark.  Or baby has a weird face.  Because Chinese believe you cannot see anything nasty while pregnant, or else your baby will become that.  And I saw some nasty stuff accidentally, especially on Facebook.  You just can't avoid it on the news feed.

When she was newborn, I worried if I am feeding her enough.  Then I worried about her hernia and the side effects in the future.  Then now that she is an infant, I worried if she get flu, caught from others.  Or that she gets those nasty viral thingy before being vaccinated.  

The worries are never ending.  I thought once I gave birth, I can stop worrying of her survival rate.  But that's not true.  I worried even now.  I checked her breathing when she sleeps every night.  If she doesn't move much, I will tickle her feet to get response from her.  Sure, an infant will have lots of worrying things as well, such as SIDS, autism and so on and so forth.

I guess, I can only pray to the Greater Power for things to be ok, just for that only.  Just be ok.  Don't be sick.  Don't be weird.  Just be normal.

I always believe God will only give us what we can deal with.  If we think that it is too difficult to deal with, then it's a challenge from God and He wants us to be stronger to deal with it.  That's just my feeling.

For now, I am trying my best to live in the present and stop thinking about the Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda stuff in the future.  Be grateful to everything around me.