Burnt out

Someone has recently written about being a burnt out mom. 

Coincidentally I am facing my own devils at the same time.

If you read my previous post, you will understand the struggles I have at work.

I am a full-time working mom with no helper at home.  My parents care for my girl while both my husband and I go to work.  My husband's and my off days are not together.  So it is very difficult to do anything together, let alone as a FAMILY.

On weekends, I care for my girl full-time.  It can be quite overwhelming when I have to go toilet as she insisted that she wants to see me sitting on the toilet bowl doing my business.  Same goes for taking a bath or anything with the 'Me Time' feature.  Therefore, I hardly have any 'Me Time'.

I still breastfeed my girl and still pumping when I am at work.  In the end, I hardly have anytime to do anything that I want to do.  I just have to cope.

My husband does all the chores in the house because I can't manage them on the weekends.  Sometimes he does a lousy job, but it's ok.  I still appreciate it.

The best 'Me Time' that I can squeeze out is when I am latching her.  I get to watch my favourite K-drama.  Forget about moms who said to focus on your baby when breastfeeding.  I need my break. 

At work, I hardly rest.  I rushed here and there, trying to squeeze a pump time during lunch and never ending work from 8.30am to 6.30pm.  I worked late.

I can understand the idea of mom's getting burnt out.  Exhausted from being a mother.  For me, I am exhausted being an employee and have to be a good one too because my KPI is at stake and my bosses are watching.  At home, I am 90% a mother, 5% a wife and 5% a daughter.  Sometimes it is 80% a mother,  5% a wife, 5% a daughter and 5% an aunt and remaining 5% as a sister, sister-in-law, friend, colleague.

As we don't have a helper at home, I have to depend on my parents and husband to help me out.  But my parents are not that young now.

I am also an older mom, nearing 40 and my girl is just 1 year old.  I don't have much energy to chase after her.

So I totally understand that moms get burnt out.  Exhaustion and sleep deprived is an understatement.  But I think one should not always feel entitled.  Like 'Me Time'. You have to make time for it, not for everyone to adjust to you to get that.  You have to look around you and see there are others coping, and are less fortunate. Some struggling financially to make ends meet, having to look after not 1 but many kids. Some have to leave their kids and not see them for the whole week.  And today I read somewhere that a mother resorted to giving her child water mixed with soy sauce because they have no money to buy milk.

So, if you are feeling unhappy and you think you are burnt out, and despite having help and getting the luxuries of life and still feeling down in the dumps, take a step back and look around you and appreciate everything and be grateful for what you have.  Happiness is achieved by yourself and not given by anyone.

Perhaps take some time out away from the kids for a bit.  Go for a massage or spa or facial and pamper yourself nicely.  Or travel somewhere alone or with friends but without the kids.  You probably need that break.  But you still won't find happiness this way.

That said, I am still trying to get out of this rut feeling I am in.  Trying to get into the routine.  Trying to get balance.

So to all moms out there struggling with these feelings, get a grip of yourself and look around you and be grateful that you have what you have now.  There are many moms burnt out to the max and can't seem to find a way out just because they don't have a helper and financially not stable.  So they just cope.

I guess money can't buy happiness is true.  Rich people can be depressed too.

I am thankful that I have a group of friends in my meditation centre who helps me with baby whenever I am with them, gave me good advise each time I am down in the dumps and support me emotionally and spiritually.  I am grateful that my husband supported this marriage whenever I am out and pull me out from my rut and did everything without complaints. 

Now I just wish I have a less condescending boss at work. 

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