Hope these tips help for new moms!

I was chatting with a friend who is currently pregnant with her first child and I find myself trying to equip her with as much information as possible about the impending motherhood.  I went through a difficult time, mainly because I was doing everything on my own.  I was researching everything, driving myself to the hospital for check-up (because my husband can't drive), buying all the necessary things and until the last minute, I was preparing and felt myself under-prepare and was nervous and anxious all mixed up.

Being a mother for the first time is a very exciting and yet very anxious.  I was reading a lot on Google, some good, some not.  So here's what I found.  Bear in mind, I am not a doctor or gynae.  If you want to find out more, best is to refer to them.

First Trimester

1. To tell or not to tell

The moment you get that BFP, you are super excited already, especially if you have been planning to have a kid and have been trying for a long time.  Then as much as you want to share to the world, it's best to keep it to yourself and few family members for now.  Meaning, no Facebook post or Instagram or so on.  Unless you are a celebrity and you are OK about sharing your personal life to the public at large.  

When I was pregnant the first time, I was too excited to wait until the 12 weeks is up.  I started sharing my pregnancy news with many, many friends, not on Facebook though.  And then who would have thought, I miscarried 2 weeks after I shared the news.  I was devastated and embarrassed and the moment I received the news that there was no heartbeat and was waiting to do a D & C, I was crying and at the same time, messaging all my friends to tell them the news.  One-by-one.  This was because I don't want them to later ask me how was my pregnancy progressing when I am struggling with the lost.

Many friends didn't understand my predicament and some said words that really hurt.  I cried for a week, I think and then slowly move on from there.  It was a difficult time because I blamed myself a lot.  And having to tell everyone the bad news after telling them the good news, seems like I am just telling lies like that.

When I was pregnant the 2nd time, I kept it to myself, my husband, my sister and my parents.  That was it.  I didn't tell my colleagues, I didn't tell any other friends.  I kept it so secretive that I even went to Singapore by flight at 7 weeks pregnant because I didn't want to tell my friends I can't go because I was pregnant.  I kept the news quietly until the end of the first trimester, when the Down Syndrome test was done and everything was normal.  

Was it difficult to hide my pregnancy?  Well, I am not a celebrity, so no.  It was difficult to hide at times, especially at work because of the morning sickness, but I manage to get through it.  I only told my boss about my pregnancy when I was in the 2nd trimester.

2. Morning sickness

I had bad morning sickness during the first trimester.  So bad that I have to eat a pill to stop the vomiting so that I can eat something.  As I mentioned that I don't want anyone to know that I was pregnant, I rather eat the pill, Maxalon (which was prescribed by the doctor and it is safe for pregnancy), than to keep on vomiting in front of my colleagues.  

At times, I lost my appetite and can't join my colleagues for lunch and didn't tell them why.  

During pregnancy, our digestive system seems to slow down.  Instant noodles can't be digested.  So better not to eat it.  I had a hard time eating it and vomiting it out 4 hours later, whole.  Yes, the noodles wasn't digested at all.

3. Down Syndrome test

Before 14 weeks is up, there is this test for Down Syndrome.  My gynae told me to take it because of my age.  Reason why they test so early is because if you want to abort the Down Syndrome baby, you can still do it before it gets any bigger.  Sounds very cruel and some people asked me why I did the test.  Does it mean I will abort my baby if it is Down Syndrome positive?  I don't know.  I guess it all depends on you and whether you want to look after a Down Syndrome child your whole life.  

I have a Down Syndrome uncle and he is really not easy to look after.  He didn't go to the special school, which they have now.  He can't talk well.  Sometimes he is aggressive for no reason.  

But nowadays, there is this Kiwanis centre which can help to educate Down Syndrome children and make them useful in society.  So, this is a very sensitive and personal choice.

4. Shopping list

Not much to buy for now.  You can still wear your old clothes.  If you are anxious and excited about preparing the nursery, you can do so, but there is a lot of time to do in the 2nd trimester.

Second Trimester

1. Babymoon time

This is when your pregnancy has stabilised.  Some even went for babymoon.  You can still travel overseas for now.  

2. High risk or low risk?

If your pregnancy is high risk, say bleeding all the time and on bed rest, then best is not to do much and just lie down and rest as much as possible.  But if you are low risk, then this is the time to start shopping and planning for the baby's arrival.  Reason is because when you are in the third trimester, you are bigger, more clumsy and more tired to do anything.

3. Backache and sleeping position

Some pregnant moms started backache at 2nd trimester.  I find sleeping with a pregnancy pillow really helps but a friend told me it made her backache worse.  Also, I read somewhere that it is best to sleep on your left side because of the blood supply to the baby.  Some mothers still sleeping on their back with baby on the stomach.  Well, I don't know the side effects of that, but better to listen to professionals right?  Please check with your gynae on this.  

4. Breast pump now or later?

If you are a working mom and will go back to work after 2-3 months maternity leave, then I would suggest to buy the breast pump now or when you are in your third trimester.  Although you can't use the breast pump now while pregnant because it will trigger contractions, you will need this breast pump after you deliver in the hospital.  Wait, I will put a caveat here.  If your baby is premature, then you need the breast pump to get as much milk as possible for your baby to grow well.  If your baby is not premature, you would want to latch as much as possible to regulate the supply and demand schedules.  If you want to stimulate your breast to produce more milk, you can start pumping right after delivery but beware of oversupply problems.  

If you are a working mom, get a double electric breast pump which has a rechargeable battery or can use with a power bank and preferably hands-free as well.  You might want to look for a breast pump that is quiet so that when you pump while baby is sleeping, it won't wake baby up.  You also want to look for a breast pump that is small and portable because at times, you might need to pump in the car.

I bought my breast pump when I was in the 3rd trimester after a massive research for the best pump more suitable for me.  I only started pumping when baby was in the 2nd month as per guidelines but because of that, I didn't manage to regulate my supply and was constantly having supply issues.  Undersupply is also a problem.  Later on that.

5. Shopping list

Maternity clothes, maternity lingerie, baby's stuff like car seat to bring baby back home from hospital, stroller can wait until after birth I feel, baby carrier is important, baby drinking bottle (in case baby have problem latching, etc).  This is the best time to do things.  You will still have the energy like before pregnancy except some women still have morning sickness.

Third Trimester

1. Rest, rest and rest

If you can sleep, better sleep and rest a lot now.  But I find this advise really useless because sleep is an everyday thing.  You can't accumulate sleep now to recover the sleepless nights later.  But do rest now as you will be getting heavier and might be having pain on your feet and will feel more tired than usual.

2. Preeclampsia 

Look out for signs for preeclampsia, which can cause premature delivery.  

3. Walk, walk and walk

If you are planning for a natural delivery, please walk more.  Slow, brisk walk for 30 minutes a day.  This will help your delivery later on.

4. Hospital bag

Get your hospital bag ready, say around Week 38 unless something happened before that.  But nowadays, lots of women opt for c-sec, so they are well prepared for baby's arrival than those normal delivery ones.

5. Parenting class

This is the time to go for some parenting class.  You can also try in the 2nd trimester but with the pregnancy brain, many would forget what to do upon delivery.  Go for a breastfeeding class.  Learn the practical ways to breast feed.   

6. Shopping list

Nursing clothes but bear in mind your size will change after delivery.  If you can't shop and have no energy to do so, shop online.  Now, there is a question of whether you want to buy a formula milk ready at hand or not.  I didn't and ended up struggling after few days of birth because baby wasn't latching well and was crying a lot.  In the end, I have to get my dad to buy one that is suitable for newborn.  So, it's really up to you how you view formula.  Also, milk bottles.  I didn't buy any because I read somewhere that I must prepare myself to breastfeed so must not buy these non-breastfeeding products that might make me psychological low to no milk supply.  In the end, because I struggled so much with breastfeeding, I ended up using my nephew's old bottle.

 I might have left out some details as this is based entire on my memory.  Next post, I will share about what breast pump to buy and breastfeeding issues.