Things that people don't tell you about being a new mother
You may wonder how I still find time to blog. I don't. I lost count on how many hours I sleep per day. Sleep deprived and yet still alert.
I am only mother for barely 3 weeks. How I wish someone have advise me on how to get along or live my life for the first few weeks of baby's life. Here's what people don't tell you. Hopefully, those who are going to be a new mother (like first child), can use these tips in the future.
1. Time factor
I am sure many said you won't have time to pamper yourself. For me, since I am looking after baby 24/7 for now, with no helper except when my husband is around or my parents to help carry her, this time factor thing is so important.
What do I mean by that?
First, if you have a normal delivery, you will be expected to do the sitz bath treatment 4 times a day for 10 minutes each time.
Second, a newborn feeds every 2 hour. Every feeding duration depends on baby. Mine takes like 2 hours for 1 breast as I was still getting the right latching technique and trying to understand whether baby is drinking or not. Baby falls asleep at the breast while still sucking and I thought she was still drinking. So, by the time you finish feeding her, it's time for the next feed.
Third, if you finally manage to feed newborn within 30 minutes, then takes another 30 minutes to put her to sleep, that leaves you with 1 hour to do your own things before she wakes up. 1 hour to brush your teeth, bath, toilet time and eat. Sometimes, I don't even find that time to shower. If you are lucky, you get 1 hour. On certain days, like today, baby refuses to sleep. I keep letting her latch and unlatch and latch and unlatch from morning until afternoon. And she fusses each time I have unlatched her, thinking she has gone to sleep. Finally, I have to hold her in my arms to sleep with her. I get sleep, but no time to do other things.
Fourth, if you are pumping too, don't forget the things you hare to sterilize before each pumping session. Yeah, takes like 20-30 minutes each time.
Fifth, for pumping moms while still trying to direct latch like my case, if you manage to squeeze 10 minutes to pump, that's a blessing.
So, overall, my timetable schedule goes like this and varies day to day.
On a good day
7am - Baby wakes up for her morning feed.
8am - Managed to feed her within 1 hour. Time for her bath. I got my mom to help me to bath her while I have my breakfast.
9am - Try to put her to sleep, but she is still alert and demands her next feeding. Realised that it's already 2 hours since her last feed.
10am - Finally managed to get her satisfied and trying to put her to sleep.
11am - She slept. Time to brush teeth, brush, toilet time and sitz bath.
12pm - She wakes up for her next feed.
1pm - She sleeps off again. Time to have lunch.
2pm - She wakes up again for her next feed.
3pm - She sleeps off and it's time I sleep too.
5pm - She wakes up for her next feed. If I am lucky and manages to feed her very full the last feed, she sleeps longer. I wake up to pump while waiting for her to wake up. If she overslept and I don't pump, then it's engorged.
And this schedule goes on every 2-3 hourly (longest is 4 hours) throughout the night as well. This is on a good day.
On a not good day, she hardly sleeps. So I will use the breasts as a comfort and let her nurse as long as she wishes. And then she sleeps off without burping and that's another trouble. Coz she will wakes up if she feels like burping and that can be within 10 minutes after she sleeps. And then continue nursing throughout the day. Sometimes I don't even get 10 minutes of the time to go toilet. Sometimes I have no choice but to let her cry while I use the toilet.
2. Of bottle using
I am pretty sure a lot of breastfeeding blogs out there says don't introduce the bottle too early, otherwise baby will have nipple confusion. That happened to me. I have a hard time struggling to get her back at the breasts. While bottles are not sinful, but when nipple confusion starts, and your supply is low that you can't pump out enough for her, you have no choice but to supplement with formula, which is something a lot of mothers try to avoid.
Now, say I don't introduce the bottle so early but direct latch. Then there's the urut lady who comes and does 2 hour massage. What if baby wakes up and want to eat in between your massage? Can you stop? No one talks about this. Everytime I massage, I pray hard she will sleeps off and not wake up until I finishes. If we have introduced the bottle, then others can feed her.
3. Of visitors
Friends and family all meant well and are excited to meet the new person. But really, I would strongly advise you to say NO when they said they want to come and visit. Not the first few weeks. Wait until confinement is over. It's not like they will never get to see the baby ever. And it's not like they really want to see baby. They just want to come and say hi, how are you, etc.
Why am I being so harsh here? I didn't know how to say NO and allowed visitors to come. Until I almost had a nervous breakdown juggling with feeding her, I told the visitors, please hold on until I have established breastfeeding with baby.
Here's why. My baby is a fussy baby and the moment she opens her eyes, she cries. Sometimes she doesn't even open her eyes and start crying the moment she wakes up. The longest time that she doesn't cry and remain calm is 30 minutes. On good days, she falls to sleep like that. On bad days, she would want to be cuddled and cry and cry until she sleeps.
I don't want visitors to come and while entertaining them, I have to calm a crying baby. Moreover, my husband has gone back to work and I am all alone with baby. Yes, there's grandparents to assist. But when I haven't given the bottle and all baby wants is me, and that I don't even have time to rest properly, let alone have toilet time, the last thing I want to do on earth is to entertain guests. I am sorry, but this is my personal opinion.
Confinement time is a time for you to rest and establish a bond with your newborn. Your milk supply won't be stablise until about Week 3-4.
And guests also, they have to understand. New mothers are no longer the carefree woman who can go out as and when a call is made or just take the car keys to go and buy stuff. Not during confinement.
So to all the friends and family members who wishes to see a newborn baby, please be patient and wait until confinement time is over. At least 40 days. Give the mother and baby a time to rest and bond.
Because like me, I have to go back to work when she is in her 3rd month. I won't have much time to bond with her.
And this schedule goes on every 2-3 hourly (longest is 4 hours) throughout the night as well. This is on a good day.
On a not good day, she hardly sleeps. So I will use the breasts as a comfort and let her nurse as long as she wishes. And then she sleeps off without burping and that's another trouble. Coz she will wakes up if she feels like burping and that can be within 10 minutes after she sleeps. And then continue nursing throughout the day. Sometimes I don't even get 10 minutes of the time to go toilet. Sometimes I have no choice but to let her cry while I use the toilet.
2. Of bottle using
I am pretty sure a lot of breastfeeding blogs out there says don't introduce the bottle too early, otherwise baby will have nipple confusion. That happened to me. I have a hard time struggling to get her back at the breasts. While bottles are not sinful, but when nipple confusion starts, and your supply is low that you can't pump out enough for her, you have no choice but to supplement with formula, which is something a lot of mothers try to avoid.
Now, say I don't introduce the bottle so early but direct latch. Then there's the urut lady who comes and does 2 hour massage. What if baby wakes up and want to eat in between your massage? Can you stop? No one talks about this. Everytime I massage, I pray hard she will sleeps off and not wake up until I finishes. If we have introduced the bottle, then others can feed her.
3. Of visitors
Friends and family all meant well and are excited to meet the new person. But really, I would strongly advise you to say NO when they said they want to come and visit. Not the first few weeks. Wait until confinement is over. It's not like they will never get to see the baby ever. And it's not like they really want to see baby. They just want to come and say hi, how are you, etc.
Why am I being so harsh here? I didn't know how to say NO and allowed visitors to come. Until I almost had a nervous breakdown juggling with feeding her, I told the visitors, please hold on until I have established breastfeeding with baby.
Here's why. My baby is a fussy baby and the moment she opens her eyes, she cries. Sometimes she doesn't even open her eyes and start crying the moment she wakes up. The longest time that she doesn't cry and remain calm is 30 minutes. On good days, she falls to sleep like that. On bad days, she would want to be cuddled and cry and cry until she sleeps.
I don't want visitors to come and while entertaining them, I have to calm a crying baby. Moreover, my husband has gone back to work and I am all alone with baby. Yes, there's grandparents to assist. But when I haven't given the bottle and all baby wants is me, and that I don't even have time to rest properly, let alone have toilet time, the last thing I want to do on earth is to entertain guests. I am sorry, but this is my personal opinion.
Confinement time is a time for you to rest and establish a bond with your newborn. Your milk supply won't be stablise until about Week 3-4.
And guests also, they have to understand. New mothers are no longer the carefree woman who can go out as and when a call is made or just take the car keys to go and buy stuff. Not during confinement.
So to all the friends and family members who wishes to see a newborn baby, please be patient and wait until confinement time is over. At least 40 days. Give the mother and baby a time to rest and bond.
Because like me, I have to go back to work when she is in her 3rd month. I won't have much time to bond with her.
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