My 2018 in review

Past few days, I have been struggling and juggling a lot.  I am really not fond to end the year feeling crappy and more so to start the year feeling unhappy.  Not sure if I shared this here before (memory loss), there was one year when on the 1st Jan, there was a huge quarrel in the family.  Because of that the whole year was crappy, whether you believe it or not.  

So, I vowed that on the 1st Jan of each year, we must start the year happily.  Avoid confrontations.  Avoid people who are unhappy.  Say nice things.  Eat sweets.  

But things can't be avoided in the past few days.  I was fatigue and spent Christmas Day just resting.  We had to cancel our trip to Penang (which turned out to be a blessing as the traffic was horrible).  I wanted to go somewhere with the family, but plans turned to clinic visits and running chores.

Anyway, before this post get any more depressing, let's just stop.

Few things that I decided to change for the next few days before 1st Jan are these:

• I read a post on FB where there was a story about this writer, who wrote how his year went and every sentence was more depressing than the last.  His son had an accident, he retired and have nothing to do, finance were low, etc.  He felt hopeless.  His wife saw what he wrote and wrote something else and gave him the note.  The note turned all the depressing events into something positive.  His son had accident but survived and didn't die.  He retired after working 30 years with the same company but now have the time to do what he loves.  He has no money from work (since he retired), but he has savings enough for him to spend for the rest of his life.  Reading this makes me feel that we should be grateful to be happy and not happy to be grateful.  So, am trying to change my thinking into positive thinking.  So here it is.
• My husband met with an accident few days back, which explains the regular clinic visits.  Thankfully there was no broken bones.  Just abrasions and broken teeth.  
• I felt financially burdened and don't have enough savings that I really worried about our future and our girl's education.  But besides housing loan, I don't have credit card debts nor hire purchase.  My credit ratings have been quite good.
• My job have been crappy, doing the same thing for the past few years and not moving up instead I felt I was moving downwards, from reviewing reports to preparing them, from checking on payments to processing them.  Because I don't have much to do at work, I get to read whatever I want on the net and sometimes watch a movie (when there's no one watching) and play games to relax.  I also get to spend more time preparing materials for my girl.
• My girl have been sick quite often in early 2018.  From HFMD to Roseolla and a scary fits episode.  But since I started her on probiotics, she became healthier and fitter.
• I was complaining to my colleague that my husband is not being very supportive and I have to do everything on my own.  She told me she had the exact same problem at home and her mom advise her that it is good that she do things on her own, that way she get to learn more.  If the kids at home see us doing everything they will also learn from there.  If we keep on fighting at home, the kids will also learn to fight like us (not in a good way).
• Because of the stress that I have encountered lately, I became very touchy and moody and shouted at my girl and when she did something I don't like (like smearing Vicks all over her hands and feet like cream), I gave her a nice whack.  She cried her eyes out and I was so angry.  One day, on Christmas Day actually, I asked myself, why do I do this to her?  The answer was because she was vulnerable and won't fight back.  That's how children get abuse and that's why adults abuses them.  Whether angry or not, I am now controlling myself and talk to her nicely and don't raise my hands so easily.  For 2019, I want to control my anger better and not take it out on my girl.
• A friend suggested that I release all the stress at work before I get home.  Say on the LRT, do something I like.  I told her I have been watching K-dramas and K-variety show during my daily commute.  I also played games on my phone.  But she suggested that I do something without the phone.  I am trying to see if I can read a book or just watch the scenery from the window.  
• On top of that, she suggested I do something that I love when at home too.  Like playing the piano, etc.  So I started singing karaoke with my phone.  And it was fun especially when I sang Korean songs with my girl and she just follow.

Oh wait....How did my 2018 go?  My memory has been quite bad and I forget things easily.  Let's go by category.

My Toddler

Terrible Two is not terrible at all.  In fact, it can be quite loving and innocent.  The first quarter of the year, she fell sick quite a bit and it was one after another.  This year also she started talking quite a bit and I have been writing them down.  Kids really say the darndest things.  And cute!

My Health

Plantar fasciitis has been getting from bad to worse.  For 2 years since the birth of my girl, I have suffered from this.  So I tried going to chiropractor but didn't help.  I tried stretching but only help for a while.  Because of this pain, I am feeling so tired and unable to move.  It is especially hard when I have a toddler to look after.  Hopefully by stretching more it will help.  Hopefully by 2019 it can go away completely.

My Travels

This year we travel quite a bit locally.  We went to Ipoh (our annual trip), Lenggong, Melaka and Port Dickson.  2019 will be international travels.  China, Singapore and hopefully India?

My Finances

Despite not able to save much this year, every month I have enough income to cover all the expenses.  So, I see this as a success in not having any debt or borrowing from any one.  Hopefully in 2019, the finance dept in my life will be better.

My Career

It was the same as before.  Nothing new.  Lots of frustrations this year.  Example, today is the last day of the year and I was supposedly on leave but was told to cancel my leave to do something last minute.  And best part my boss is happily on leave and she was the one who told me to cancel my leave.  Wonderful!  Hopefully 2019 will have better opportunity.

My Married Life

Lots of challenges this year.  Perhaps it's the 7th year of marriage.  Hopefully we can spend more time doing things together.