Come what may

Yesterday, my boss said some stuff to me about my job scope.  Few years back, she asked about my career progression and I chose to follow her as she will be doing something different from what I have been doing all this while.  She moved to a new portfolio instead of the monthly reporting, which I was a little fed up of.  

But yesterday, she said she has nothing to give me to do and told me off for just sitting and waiting for her to give me something to do.  Weird as I thought work have to come from the top, but here she wants me to do something on my own, which she may or may not like.  After 8 years of working here, this is how it is.  Reality sucks.  Corporate world sucks.

So it comes to a point, that I have to think of my options to change and if I am too comfortable and unwilling to accept any changes.  

Since I was too free as she puts it, I decided to abandon all work and surf the net.  I started reading all the blogs that I used to read before, before I stopped as I couldn't take the comparison between myself and them.

Incredibly, all of them have become very successful in their own way, whether it's from blogging, or some business ventures, or modelling or what not.  

I started blogging at the same time when they started.  Unfortunately, I stopped and abandon that blog because I couldn't take the way I was writing.  It was too negative.

Then few years later I started another blog with another name.  Can't stick with it too as I can't find a niche to write.  And the most important, I don't want to expose myself too much to the public.

Even with this blog, from TTC to pregnancy to cooking to motherhood to travel, just jumble up everything.  I just write whatever is on my mind.

As you can see also, I don't earn any advertisement fees.  My blog is empty.  

I like to write, as sometimes it is hard to express and there's no one to listen to.  So, I write to the audiences who are willing to read my nonsense.

Now, I am a little envy and jealous that all these bloggers are so successful.  They are young, drive big cars, live in mansion, fly business class, and here I am, struggling with my job, which might be cancelled anytime.

And I am struggling with finances, with being a mother, a wife and my health and aches and pains.  It just sucks.

But, I read that this year's fortune, if there is a good opportunity, I should take it up.  I feel I have been in a slum for many years.  I want to move on.  I want to change.  

So, I guess this is it.  Wait for bonus and increment.  And hopefully a workplace where I can enjoy what I am doing and earning more and feeling satisfied and able to do more at home and with community service.  Hoping something like that will come.

This working place has been good.  Colleagues and benefits are excellent.  Career progression not much.  So, maybe this is a hint to move on.

Of course, it's also very dangerous when economy is not doing so well.  It's going to be risky.  Whatever it is, come what may.  I like to see myself successful one day and achieve that heights where I can look back and say, I did it.