Confession of a First Tri Pregnant Woman

Note:  I am now in my 2nd trimester.  You are reading the secret that I have been hiding for 3 months.

Warning!  Some of the things that I am going to write is going to be disgusting and nasty and probably too much information.  Please ignore this post if you can't take it.

  1. I have not changed my bed sheet from the time I got BFP until now.  That's 3 months.  Why?  Because I can't stand fragrance and worried that my clean bed sheet will have the washing powder and softener smell.
  2. Sometimes when I puked, it's projectile straight into the toilet bowl and caused the water in the toilet bowl to splash onto my face.  One time, I urinated first before I puked and the water with urine splash onto my face.  Nice.
  3. Sometimes when I puked violently, I will lose control of my bladder and peed at the same time.
  4. Because of No.3, sometimes the toilet floor is not clean and I walked in and out and slept with that dirty feet.
  5. I ate on the bed and there are crumbs all over the bed which I just shoved it over the bed and onto the floor and do nothing about it.  DH would clean up.
  6. I brushed my teeth every night and then would eat again and not brush again.  Luckily my wisdom tooth and gums stayed clean and healthy and no infection so far.
  7. One time while at work, I puked violently and peed in my panty.  Since I didn't have extra one, I used the same one until the end of the work day.  In fact, urine was on my cushion seat and dress.  
  8. Sometimes I don't wash my hair for 3 days.
  9. When I dropped my husband to work, sometimes I just go out in my PJs or sarong since I don't get out from the car.
  10. I don't wash my face with any cleanser.  Just water.  Sometimes I don't even bother.
  11. I have changed from body shower gel to soap as the smell is easier on me.  I used the same soap for my face and body.
  12. Sometimes when food comes out, it's exactly the same as it enters.  That means I don't chew properly.  My bad.
  13. One day, after putting on my shoes with my hands and drove to work and upon reaching the parking I was too hungry and ate the putumayam with my bare unwashed hands.
I can't believe I can be this disgusting which is so unlike me.  I won't say I was a clean freak before pregnancy but this is too extreme.  But then again, it's some things that I can't help and can't control.

And I have been so tired.  It's not easy having a full-time job and being pregnant.  I know there are many women who do it but I am telling you it's not easy at all.  

I can't eat much so I eat little bit and get full very quickly.  So I eat smaller and regular meals.  That's why I eat before going to bed.  And there's food on the bed.  Sometimes I eat ice cream in my room too.

Before this, food is a no-no in my bedroom.  But now, I have to give in.  I have even attracted ants and cockroach into my room.  Nice going.

As for puking, I can still control it meaning I can get to the toilet in time before I puked unlike some pregnant ladies who said they will just puke everywhere.  

As for incontinence, I would urinate first before I puked.  And have to be careful of the projectile kind of splashes.

DH does all the chores as I only have energy for lying on the bed and watching Running Man on my iPad.  

I am becoming forgetful.  So to my colleagues, sorry if you have said something and I have forgotten.  It's the hormones.

I am happy that sometimes I don't need to eat proper food but can snack on ice cream and cookies.  Breaking the conditionings.

I am not sure if I am craving but I have been wanting to eat sweet-spicy crabs with mantao for a while now.  

Chocolate is a no-go area though it was my favourite before I got pregnant.

Keeping the pregnancy as a secret is not easy too.  I feel more at ease with people whom I have told.  I feel very shy when I puked in our office toilet and tried to be as silent as possible to avoid suspicion.  

My clothes has been very predictable and boring.  I can't wear normal office clothes already so I always in my baju kurung or punjabi suit.

I feel I have been very dirty, disgusting and boring in the first trimester.  How come people said that we glow I don't understand.  Hopefully second tri is better.  Hopefully.

DH has been the most important and supportive person to me.  Thank God for him.  He has been holding me when I puked over the toilet bowl.  He has been cleaning and doing all the chores to keep everything clean since I can't do anything.  He has been the one taking food for me.  My mom is a big help too.  Preparing all the food for me to eat.  So grateful to have them around.

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