Just great!

Just when I am about to go on maternity leave, my laptop died on me.  Looks like I have to use iPad for everything then despite the fact I hate typing on iPad.

You know, I have been saying that I do not want to be c-sec and induced.  I don't discriminate those who chose these methods.  In fact, sometimes there's no choice but to choose these methods only.

I am not afraid of either methods.  I have been through 3 major surgeries in my life.  Although I was not afraid of it and was also proud to tell the process behind each one, but I did regretted doing it all.  Sometimes, I viewed surgeries are not a necessity, instead it causes more problems.

First was a surgery to remove a breast lump from my left breast.  I was 18 and the lump was benign.  It was a combination of tissues and hormones that causes it.  But it was huge, measuring 3cm x 5cm.  After the removal, my insurance company doesn't want to cover me for any further breast protection.  It sucks.  I have lumpy breasts and there are many lumps inside.  Even now.  But I met a very good radiologist who advised me to do annual ultrasound and monitor the growth instead of going for surgery again.  I did regret going for the surgery.  The doctors at that time knew that it's gonna be benign because of my age.  But then insisted for me to remove it.

Second was a surgery to remove my appendix.  I was 27.  Actually, inside me, I felt that this was an unneccessary procedure.  Yes, I did have pain but it was on and off.  The surgeon didn't even test my blood.  Just pressed on my abdomen and decided I needed to operate it before further complications. Turns out it was a mild acute infection.  I am not sure if antibiotics would have stopped the infection but it was not so bad that it might burst or causes more complications.  That's my opinion.

Third was a surgery to remove my haemorrhoids.  I did have a lot of pain from piles which started gradually and then got worse throughout the years. At first, it was manageable.  I was able to recover within a week.  Then it was few weeks.  Finally, it was so bad, that I couldn't walk and that's when I drove myself to the hospital and one look at it the surgeon called for it to be removed.  According to him, it has turned black.  After the surgery, I had a hard time recovering, especially the first week.  I cried everytime I have to pass motion.  I regretted big time doing it but when I have fully recovered, I was so relieved from the constant pain before surgery.  In fact, I didn't have any recurrence until pregnancy.  Even then, it's not as painful as before.  No bleeding. Just the extra flesh sticking out from my rectum.

So, am I afraid of c-sec?  Not at all.  I am afraid I cannot tolerate the pain of natural birth.  I am afraid of inducing baby when she is not ready.  I don't want to shock her.  I heard inducing causes more pain and agony.  I am afraid of epidural, not the pain, but the side effects thereafter.

I said before that I knew what contractions are but until now, I have not felt anything.  Does it come suddenly?  I don't know.  Today is 39 weeks and 5 days.  No BH.  No period cramps.  No bleeding. No mucuos plug come out.  No water broke.

Oh well, I hope my next update is on the birth story.  Wish me luck!