I love breastfeeding

To be exact, I love direct latching.  Not sure if it is the oxytocin that was released that made me happy about it but I love the feeling of holding my little one against my boobs and looking at her while she closes her eyes and suckle.  

Direct latching also help to clear some plugged duct and only my little one can clear.  No pump or marmet can help.

I have to admit that my little one suckle for comfort and not for food.  It's really difficult to break this habit but am trying to let her latch throughout the night and no bottle at all.  And on weekends, same thing.  Direct latch only.  At first I worry that she might not have enough.  So was obsessed with watching over her diaper.  But she seems alright.

Only problem is once I start letting her latch, it's forever.  Like I can't do anything else.  Because she will take forever to enjoy.

We are still learning about breastfeeding.  So many things to understand.  Only through trial and error, through experience can one know what's best.  Follow my heart is the best.  Can't listen too much to keyboard warriors and other so-called expert mommies.  

No, not saying they are wrong.  But it can be very stressful sometimes.  It came to a point that I have to stop looking at Facebook and reading the comments or even looking at those photos of bottles or fridge filled with milk.  I envy them to the point it was not helping me but feeling very down.

I tried as I might to boost my supply.  Really trying and eating everything under the sun, except known milk killer.

My little one will have this enjoyment face while latching.  One cannot see it while bottle feeding.  This is the face I missed when I am back at work.  

So I can't advise or say anything definite about breastfeeding.  It's all an individual journey and different from one another.  

I wish I knew to pump earlier but I didn't because many told me to direct latch.  But because by not pumping earlier, I couldn't get my supply to up.  And that's also because my baby was latching but not sucking, something not told so often.  Everytime they said direct latch but no mention about suckling properly.

Anyway, what's done is done.  I hope to continue this journey for 1 year or more.  I just hope I have enough or slightly more for her.  That's all I am asking now.

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