8th months report card

Baby is 8 months old today.  And today I am submitting my overdue report card.  Supposed to do a report card at 6 months.  But never too late!

So what's happening now?  Baby knows who is who.  She still can't call me or her father yet.  But she will make sounds like 'Ay', 'Haro', 'Ada', which is so cute.  She is very good with eating solid food and at the same time very good at drinking milk, direct latch.  She hasn't started teething.  She knows how to crawl.  She knows how to stand and cruising along furniture.  She think she can stand on her own without anyone supporting her.  She can climb up the stairs without help.

Speaking about breastfeeding, I just want to share my experience again.  I might have written about this preciously.

After 40 weeks of an uneventful pregnancy, I gave birth after being induced.  I gave birth vaginally with the help of epidural and vacuum.  I managed to latch baby after almost 2 hours post delivery.  I tried to latch her for many hours, but baby was crying non-stop and after complaints by others, I gave in to formula.  I knew the adversity of letting her drink from a bottle and formula but in my mind at that time, I just want to rest and I believe I will be able to let her drink from the boob after I discharged.

Back home, baby was crying continuously.  I let her latch day and night but still not enough.  I can't even go to the toilet.  But she was just crying and sometimes refused to latch.  I began to suspect that she might have nipple confusion and I was angry with myself.  At the same time, my parents were accusing me of starving her.  Eventually, I was so fed up and tired, I told my dad to just go and buy a tin of formula.  He did and my parents fed her formula and for the first time, baby had a good sleep for few hours straight.  My parents claimed they were right that baby was hungry and I was starving her.

My milk kick in on Day 3 and I was engorged.  But by now, baby was so used to the bottle, she refused to latch.  I was so unhappy and down and blamed myself.  I was depressed.  I was desperate.  My sister helped to push the knots and my mom kept giving me warm towel to sooth the swelling.  But ended up having bruises on both breasts, like someone punched me.  The pain was inexplicable.  I tried to pump, but nothing much came out.  My sister told me to put on the highest level to pump but no can do.  By now, my nipples were sore, my breasts were painful and engorged and hard like stone and bruised.  I was getting more annoyed and irritated with everything.  I can't even hold my baby because she was crying so badly and I was so tired and angry.  My husband have to remove baby from me and continued to feed her with formula.

I kept on pumping but nothing much came out.  Just 1.5-2oz each session.  I was upset that I can't get baby to latch.  In my desperation, I seek a breastfeeding consultant for help.  I was willing to pay anything, just to get baby on the breasts again.

Breastfeeding consultant taught me to latch and told me to use lactation aid.  Bought all the necessary things from her.  Looking at how desperate and sleep deprived I was, I just bought everything she asked me to, i.e lactation aid and extra hose and fenugreek.  This is because this breastfeeding consultant told me that only she carry this lactation aid in the whole of Malaysia, that I can't get it anywhere,

Back home, I began to realised what a hassle it was to use the lactation aid.  It was difficult to maneuver, especially if I am doing it alone with a newborn.  I am not sure if it works but baby started drinking.  Although it was still formula, I was proud and thought I have successfully latched.  I continued with these method.

At baby 1 month's checkup, found that baby is losing weight and it's not a good sign.  She hasn't been peeing and pooping much either and was still crying a lot.  Doctor told me to continue with formula.  I was reluctant but my parents insisted that I was starving my baby.  The thought of that made me upset and angry and I gave in.

Soon after, found that baby has inguinal hernia and needed surgery.  While looking for second opinion, I went to Dr Koe and she taught me to breastfeed properly and gave me lactation aid and taught me how to use it.  Yes, she too has the proper lactation aid.

In order to fatten her up, I agreed to continuously giving her formula.  But at the same time, I would try to pump as much as I can.  But I can only get 2oz at the most.  I got some donor's milk so that she is not entirely on formula.

Shortly before 2 months old, baby had corrective surgery done.  By now, I was feeding via bottle, donor's milk entirely.  I tried to latch also at night when she sleeps.  She loves to latch sleeping.  Comforting.  I am not sure how much milk she drank but she was sleeping through.

I was also going back to work and would be pumping away.  The donor's milk was running low and I needed to buck up and kept on pumping.  I would latch her only at night and throughout the night.

When donor's milk was finished, I have to use my own milk entirely.  Paed also told me not to use donor's milk as it might not be suitable for baby.  My yield is only enough for the day.  4oz each pump, sometimes lesser, while she takes 4oz each feed.  If she has growth spurt that week, I have no choice but to give her formula as my yield is not enough for her.

This continue until she was 6 months old.  Even a week before 6 month, she was having growth spurt and was drinking a lot.  I gave 1 feed of formula.  The moment she reaches 6 months and started solid, I was able to balance out the breast milk finally.  From then until now, no formula was fed.  If there's no more milk when I was at work, then my parents would feed her extra portion of solid food. 

I was pumping 6 times a day, sometimes 7 to get the next day yield of 20oz.  But no matter how, I can't increase my yield.  I tried many milk boosters, lactation cookies, domperidone, galactagogues but nothing helped.  I can only produce 1oz per hour.

When she was 6 months, I reduced the pumping time as there were times when the fridge has too much of milk as baby didn't want to drink so much.  I pumped only 4 times a day which is enough for her next day's feed.

Today, at 8 months old, I am still pumping 4 times a day for her next day's feed.  I have just enough milk for her.  Nothing in the freezer.  No extra.  One day, she dislike the solid food that my mom has prepared for her and my mom was at work and my dad was the only one looking after her.  So, no choice, he gave her milk throughout the day and no solid food.  The milk ran out before I came home.

That night, I was forced to give her formula again.  But now she dislike the taste of formula after not having it for 2 months and refused to drink it.

To me, I believe in Fed is Best, but in the beginning, I felt a lot of guilt for feeding my girl formula.  Maybe due to the pressure by other moms.  Looking at TBAN's picture of freezer filled with milk gave me depression.  I didn't understand why I cannot pump more.  I began to wonder if my pump was doing the job.  But others seems to be doing so well with the same type of pump.  I also contemplated buying a Medela pump.  But my colleague with Medela pump also was having 4oz yield.

I researched and googled and bought many supplements to try.  But nothing help to increase my supply, even till now.  In the end, I just resigned to the fact that I only produce just enough for her.

Throughout these 8 months, I spent most time on breastfeeding and trying to figure out the whole thing.  Other than that, I am thankful that baby is well and healthy.  So far she hasn't fall sick thanks to breast milk.

Breastfeeding wasn't easy at all.  Not just stuck baby to the nipples, end of story.  I went through milk blisters and plugged ducts multiple times.  Thank God I have not had mastitis.  I went through many sessions of crying, especially in the beginning.  I got supportive family and friends.  But sometimes I prefer to listen to Dr Koe instead.

I would suggest new mothers to please visit Dr Koe for any breastfeeding and baby matters.  I felt so much better after going to her.  Yes, the queue can be super long but the wait was worth it.  Go early in the morning, like before 8.30am to get number.  Then it's pretty quick.  Besides, she can spend more time with you because not many are around in the morning.

Looking back, it wasn't a bed of roses.  There was lots of struggles.  But I didn't gave up.  Not even once have I thought of giving up on breastfeeding despite the challenges.  I can't say I have exclusively breastfed my daughter.  But I have given her my own breast milk.

Every time I feel like giving up, this true story came to mind.  A few weeks back, I met some older aunties who complimented me for breastfeeding.  I was taken aback as usually these older generation people tend to give negative comments instead.  One granny, who is about 80 years old, said in her time, they were so poor that she didn't have enough to eat.  As a result of that, she couldn't produce breast milk at all.  And they were too poor to buy formula.  In the end, she fed her children condense milk mixed with water.  The children all grew up properly (not sure about their health though).

It just makes me think that I am so blessed to be able to breastfeed.  Even if I don't produce much.  At least I fed her with some of my breast milk.

Many breastfeeding advocate would say that because I didn't start out right, that's why I couldn't maintain my supply.  Whatever it is, I can't argue back because I didn't start out right.

So hopefully I can persevere and breastfeed until 2 years old.