Let's be happy

This long weekend, I have been doing some introspecting, especially after my last post.  I was indeed saddened that I have made anyone depressed by my posts.  I reacted to that.

Then I realised, my past posts on TTC were indeed depressing.  My struggles, my agonies, my frustrations were all out there in those posts.  Month after month of disappointment and when I re-read those posts, I also felt a little down.

I can understand if people get depressed and unhappy when reading those posts.  I get where you are coming from.

So from now onwards, I have decided to write happy posts.  I feel there are too many unhappy things out there, events, incidents, news, you name it.  We need to change it by spreading some possitivity.

I am not here to please anyone and I am not changing my writing style because of what people commented.  I do realised that I need to keep things in perspective and this is after all my blog.

Long ago, I created a blog to voice out all the frustrations that I faced during that time in life.  I was surprised that I do have quite a number of readers.  I wrote about what I dislike about myself and others and every single posts was an unhappy post.  

It got so bad that I couldn't move on in my life because I was re-reading those posts.  Initially, re-reading the posts gave me a slight satisfaction that I have vent it all out.  But whenever I am happy and re-read those posts, I became unhappy again as those memories were still there.

In order to move on, I decided to delete that blog for good.

So, I have decided to delete all the TTC posts here.  When I first started this blog, it was to vent out my frustrations in TTC and the journey that comes with it.  Unintentionally, I have promoted the fertility centre that I went but didn't get treated.  Anyway, I just want to focus on being a mother now.

I just want to be happy as well.  As I drove to work this morning, I realised I envy a lot of people.  Day after day, since baby's birth, I have questioned my life.  And don't understand why, financially is turning for a worse and I can't help but to envy my friends who have a big house and big car now.  And everyday, I wish the same for me although that dream seems so impossible.

I keep thinking of ways to increase our income but I can't come to a conclusion.  In the end, it's just thoughts after thoughts and I know it is affecting my baby and everything I do.

Because I became increasingly tired by just overthinking.  

So, I have made up my mind and decided that enough is enough.  I just want to be happy.  I am enjoying motherhood very much and the joy that baby gave me is endless.  So, I want to be satisfied with that I have and pray there's opportunity to improve our financial.

So, no more TTC posts from now on.  Maybe later if we decide to have a second baby.  But no more.

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