Facebook friends

About a year and a half ago, I decided to clean my Facebook list.  I put all my Facebook friends who were my secondary school mates to restricted list.  Not only that, I have stopped following some of them.  Especially those with children.

I only followed some who post interesting things on Facebook.  I did that because I don't connect with my secondary school friends anymore.  Not since I left school.  And also I felt very negative when I see their lives on Facebook.  Most of them have migrated overseas.  They seem to have such a nice life.  Luxurious and filled with future.  Whereas, I was at the time and place where I couldn't see where I was going.

In fact, I was full of envy when I see their pictures.  Their new car, new house, new job, etc.  And to know that someone at my age so successful and I have not reach their pace, I felt even more down.

On top of that, at that time I was really struggling with fertility issues.  I can't bear to look at their happy family photos.  

I didn't unfriend them because I don't want to seem like I am being anti-social (although I was).  I was still trying to maintain friendship.  But today I have decided to pull some of them out of the restricted list.

Throughout the one year plus without news from them on my newsfeed, I felt better.  Really.  Because some were very negative and posts only negative status.  Some boasts about every single thing in their life.  Some intentional, some not.  

You see, these are the friends that we don't really see much now.  So, I asked myself, is it necessary to tell them what I am doing now?  They don't talk to me, except if they need me.  Like one of them has never communicated with me since I left school and suddenly sent a Whatsapp message asking if I can go for his wedding.  Well, ang pow calls.

I have to admit.  The problem lies with me.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like I didn't achieve anything.  They have their big businesses, travelling the world like money was water, buying new things and showing it on Facebook while I was and still am living pay cheque to pay cheque.

Until I got pregnant.  I felt suddenly that I have hope.  I have a reason to work harder.  I have an aim now.  I have new responsibilities.  And not only that, I have met some of them few months back and I felt that most of my friends were also like me.  Although on Facebook it's like very nice and good.  But real life, they were also struggling like me.

Whatever it is, I am much a better person than I was a year ago.  And I believe that pregnancy made me learned many things about life.  And I believe I was wrong about my perception on some people.  I wasn't sure if I could blame my hormones or my bitterness because I was struggling to conceive at that time, but whatever it is, I have changed.

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